Today is my MUET (Malaysia University English Test) Speaking final examination. I am the first person for the first group because we are from Science Class and my surname starts with C. So, being the first of the first, I was quite nervous. We got exception from attending the assembly since our exam will be start on 7.30am. I spent around 30 minutes to read my Bible in my class. I start making this habit since 2 weeks ago. I did that because I have no time to do that at home since I have rush in the morning. Breakfast, newspapers, getting some snacks for my mum as lunch and etc. Besides that, I believe when I start doing this in my class, the Lord will start to revive us although some of them are not Christian.
Before I read my Bible, I prayed to the Lord for His encouragement and support me and my team throughout the exam. When I was reading the Bible, I expect the Lord would speak to me even just through a single verse as a reminder and evidence He is there for me and my teammates. Finished reading Leviticus, nothing. Continue on with Psalm and there is where the Lord speaks to me.
Psalm 111:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of the wisdom, all who follow His precepts have good understanding. To Him belongs eternal praise.
Awesome, right? The verse just shoot straight into my heart and I start to have more peace in facing my exam. I joined back my group for warm up trial after my Bible reading. We can't speak well during the trial because all of us are nervous and uncertain of the unknown topics that are waiting for us.
During the registration and queue up to enter the examination room, one of my team members, asked me to pray with her. That was a big surprise to me! Well, I actually got anti-ed by my classmates last time because they think I am so cool and egoistic. That was my fault to gave them such first impression. Form 6 was not in my plan, anyway and I wasn't happy when I got into Form 6, sort of wasting time. I did prayed together with my team member for wisdom and calm mind during the exam. We met a very good examiner as well, her name is Catherine. She is kind and friendly. Our group were relaxed after Task A, individual presentation because of her friendliness and what she said. She said :" We are here to help you to pass, to pass with excellent but you have cooperate with us that you will speak as much as you can." That was so heart warmy :D
After having a super duper high Adrenaline rush, I get to know a friend of mine is leaving the school for Optic Diploma in KL. I already knew this news on Saturday. I tend not to react extremely on that but still I failed. When I saw him sitting in the staff room with his mother, I just realized I am not ready to accept his leaving. However, I still walked in and talk with his mother, just to have a conversation. I hardly remember why I walked in this morning.
I tried my best to "compressed" my feeling, my negative feeling. I know what's reaction and action if I allow this negative feeling continue to grow. I will get frustrated and start to show my "dark face" to people around me. I just don't want that to happen. People didn't do anything wrong and I shouldn't vent my frustration toward them. 4 periods of Maths class. I tried to focus my mind on my maths exercise but that was not working and I spent that 2 hours with blank minded. That's the only way I can stop the negative feeling from growing. Keep compressed, compressed and compressed....
Not until the end of the school, my classmates were saying loud in the class "someone is sad because someone has left." I know they were talking about me but I am too tired to bother them. With the bad night rest, adrenaline rush this morning and emotion compressing for almost 3 hours, I am already tired and weary. I almost lost my mind when one of my friends came to me and said: "Nelson left. Are you sad?" I told her, I am okay with this. I already knew this on Friday night from his mother. There is nothing to be sad, life should be move on." I end my sentence with a laugh but am actually lying to my friend. I am not okay. I am still wondering why I tend to react so extreme toward his leaving. I thought we were just friends, no chemistry? Or I myself have started to admire him but I didn't realized it since we always spend time together in the class after school, talking about nonsense and discussing our sharing etc?
I hardly get into sleep for these few days and this noon, I tell myself "Jacklyn, it is over. No matter how do you depressed are you, you need a REST." So, I have the best nap today after so many sleepless night.
I actually have a date with my friends for going to fresh markets and shop for groceries at 5.30pm. I was shocked when I woke up at 4.30pm! 1 hour time, prepare dinner and bathing? What a challenging routine! However, when I checked my phone, my friend told me the shopping changed to tomorrow because they are going for friend's birthday (: Then my mum asked me no need to cook and went for restaurant outside to have our dinner ^^
Well, this conclude part of my Monday. Just be frank here, I afraid of losing control over my emotion because I know how powerful and dangerous is the word. A word might able to raise someone up, as well as, kill someone. May the Lord teach and help me not to speak when I am depressed.
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