Restart my life in the LORD

For many years ago, I was a teen who had passion in God and really loves God. Involved in serving. However, facing problem everywhere I go. Never wanted to find out the source and never wanted to be humble.

As time goes by, my life corrupted by many earthly things such as relationship with family, with a guy, with friends, money, love, desires, ambitious to be a psychology, chasing after what people expected on me and I started to move away from God because of world’s temptations.

I remember I came to Christ when I was 11 and how I have enjoyed the love of God and experienced Him in my life. For some reason, I am still wandered away from God for many times. I guess this time would be the longest time and most hidden one. I have been stop building relationship with God around 2-3 years ago. I didn’t read my bible, I didn’t pray, I rely on myself more than God, whom I should rely on, I still attend church, I still serve in different ministries, my relationship with people goes bad but I don’t care! What I do care was “As long as I do what I think is right and I will only turn away when I think I am wrong. My life is in my hand.” So, that was what playing in my mind when I was away from God.

There were reasons for I have such thought. I have came to really close with a guy when I was 15. I thought he would be the love of my life. He was a nice person and his personality makes him shine. However, he is an atheist. The values and lessons that he taught me are from the World but not God. Since I think I didn’t have anyone else beside him to talk to, to please him and to keep him with me, I accept everything he said. At last, when I was 16, our relationship cracked and when I was 17, we officially didn’t talk anymore.

Anyway, that passed away. The most important thing now is make right with God, make right with every wrongs I have done and make right with people around me. I know “sorry” isn’t enough to make right the relationship between 2 persons. But I know action speaks louder than words. I believe God will change my life if I am willing to humble myself. And guess what, I learnt that God never give up on me. When I was counting my blessings, I realized no matter what I have done, although men rejected me, God never! He loves me so much and the psalmist said “I know your love will last for all time, that your faithfulness as permanent as the sky.” (Psalm 89:2) Although the sky might change its colour once a while, that never change the fact that it is the sky, just as the faithfulness of God.

I have started my devotion for 4 days, today will be the 5th day. I know it takes time and persistent to build up relationship. I am not worry I will stop building relationship with God because God is here. Just God is really amazing as for everyday’s devotion, He seem to be like affirming me and telling me that He never stop loving me and nothing could stop Him from loving me. How great is that!! To start my baby step in September 2010, I have some planning here:

1. Memorize at least 2 verses everyday.
2. 1 chapter of Bible Reading daily
3. Pray every morning once I have my conscience that I am awake. Uphold my fresh and desire to the LORD and ask His Holy Spirit to fill and walk with me for the entire day.
4. Respect the one (Jesus Christ) who lives inside of me. Every word I said, everything I have done, every thought I have, I shall let them be glorify to God and accountable to God.
5. Pray for myself, family, church and friends.
6. Pray to look important into God’s matter rather than my own desires or needs.
7. Serve and submit to one another because who God is but not because who that person is (What a big lesson to learn!)
8. I don’t know, let’s pray and find out!

And yeah, a word outside this title.

I realized small group can be fun too although we have really big age gaps! I wanna follow what a brother told me before he left “Don’t join a small group because of the sake you need to a small group because of …..” I was in Adventure but the group leader told me they have some problem within the group and they need to fix it first. So, I am out of it. And then, I am welcomed back to my original small group. I don’t know what to do but just do and follow what’s the LORD wants. I just need to work harder now. Alternating between small group and tutorial class. May the LORD gives me strength to be perseverance in doing what is pleasing in His sight.