I never know..

There are things you never know if you never ask or you never tell someone. I knew what I never know tonight. I never know I really got so mad with that girl until I was telling another person. Through the way I expressed myself just now, I know I have been forcing myself NOT to bother about her but I actually do mind about that. I should learn a better way to deal with her and deal with those rumor that flying over the class, the schools and on the Facebook. Receiving a rose from an unknown is not a big deal, okay? I already placed that rose in my bathroom to dry that and also, I don't wish to put it in my room. It is wasting my space. I don't care who send that, you deserve it since you don't tell me who you're.

I never know my reason to reject a guy is funny until I was telling another person and make him laugh and question me back. Well, too thin can be a reason, right? We won't be match if we stand together. I wish when me and my partner stand together, people can see some matching. Moreover, I need someone who is mature and stronger than me. I am really a insecure lady :P Obviously outlook and age would be one of the convincing points of is he the right guy.Right? I know I am mean but hmm.. :X

And, I never know I have made such firm stand since 15 about my relationship should be built on stable financial and I am still keeping that in mind and I shared this to a him :o I can't believe that I have express the truest me in front of this friend. I only told my besties (Who are all girls) in secondary school when I start to have this thought. I never tell a him although there was necessity I have to said this but I lied :X  I made out of reasons to reject someone but I have another real reason upon what I have done. Am I bad? :/ I know I am not a perfect person or a pretty person but that doesn't mean I don't have a right to choose, right? 

I finally received the first wedding invitation card that printed with my name on, Miss Jacklyn Chung at my age of 18 last Sunday. I was so happy and extraordinarily hyper but not until my mum received another wedding invitation card from the same couple, the lady side. My mum wants to send me as on behalf of her to attend the dinner. Eh..that's mean I need to sit together with some elders that I have no idea who they are. Moreover, I just recover from my intestinal infection, can I eat those food? I am wondering. I am sure this would only happen once a lifetime. Saturday for the lady, Sunday for the gentlemen, if I am not mistaken. I wish I will be able to enjoy both of the days.  I am still hyper anyway, but I can't figure out why am I hyper-ing now, right now~

 I am going to play keyboard tomorrow morning worship. I have some fear about my performance. I seem like not up to the expectation of myself, as well as my leader. What I can do now is just keep reminding myself the Lord need not my performance to please him but my heart. I need not chase after people's expectation because I am doing that for the Lord and I will do my best for the Lord. Argh. I wish I won't stick out my tongue on the stage when I realized I did a mistake and no more head shakings for mistakes. Argh! Lord, help me! 


Thank God I have transport to go church tomorrow, not by bus but a much more comfortable way. I am going with my friend's car, a friend that elder than me for 10 years! Hahahaha..I have overestimated his age. Sorry, man :P I will be coming home after service because my uncle is coming back from UK!! Yahoo~~ I didn't meet him for 7 years, wonder if he could recognize me...but I didn't change much, still rounded face and er..pale body shaped like what my mum referred. He is going to get married soon. Gosh, another red boom! 


I am waiting for him to reply but I guess he is bathing or maybe doing something else :/ I better sleep now. Another challenging day is waiting for me!! Newspaper, breakfast, get ready, church, UNCLE and start studying :)