I experienced God’s presence with me last night. It was so true. It was so real. It was sweeter than I ever imagined and thought of how a relationship with God would be.
A friend of mine that I knew recently, Rolly, told me there is no boredom in relationship with God. When he told me that, I was partially agree with him. For now, I totally agree with him. When I think out of the religious box, when I no longer taking my prayer and bible reading as a routine but something I do naturally and come close to God, God will come close to me and there is no boredom in this relationship.
Spent my afternoon with Winda and Rolly yesterday. Had a really meaningful and influential conversation that changed my life in one night. Not because of what they said but because of what God spoke to me afterward what they have said. Conclusion, God spoke to me through them. I got affirmed by our conversation and I start to realized, I might sin every now and then but I shouldn’t let that tie me up. It is because Jesus had died for me! He died for my past sin, my present sins and my future sins!! How wonder is this grace!! Since I have someone who loved me seriously that He willing to die for me on the cross, mocked, humiliated for a lady like me, how fearfully and greatly is God’s love to me!! And so, why should I be timid and afraid to do what is right in God’s sight?
I am not nobody. I am somebody and I meant so much for God, how much does I meant to God? Look at the cross. That’s how much I meant to Him. I seriously got impacted and affirmed by God who I really am. I am no longer under sins’ authority. I am free from that. I have given power and authority from God, through prayers, I can ask for anything. I have decided, I don’t want to be a normal church member, I don’t want to be just normal for God, just ordinary person that always receive impact from others. I want to be someone who is impacting and influential to others. I want be like that for God because He had made me specially in His sight. Everyone is special to God but it just matters do we realized our identities in God.
I have the calling to go for mission but I am timid and I am scare. I worried about my mum. Who is going to take care of her when she is sick? Who is going to shop for the groceries with her when I am not here? Who is going to help me taking medicine from the hospital? Who is going to pay the bills for the house? Who is……………….. I have too much worries and I gone into dilemma last night. I struggled really hard and wanted to escape from God. I don’t like this discomfort in my heart and my mind. I hate that.
I get on my bed around 10pm and decided to sleep at 11pm but when the time reached, I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t pray because I afraid of God. I afraid He is asking me to leave my comfort zone. Dragging until 1am. I decided to get up and pray and read the Bible. I believe God would comfort and would delay when I really talk to Him and said I am not ready yet. My life is still part of occupied by the Earthly matters. I got up, I don’t know what to pray. I read the notes that I wrote since the first day I did my devotion, 12th September. Every memorized verses bumped into my mind and reminded me God is a lovely Father but not a judge or a cruel King. As I read thru my notes, I am affirmed again how God loved me and how persistent is His love to me. I put down my fear and really pray to God, telling Him every details I felt in my heart for the whole day.
I read on Psalm 139 about how persistent and serious God will deal with me. I am comforted. When I continue to read, I found a chapter that is meant to be my prayer. Psalm 141. A psalm that wrote by David when he is chased by His enemies. I used that as my prayer and I clearly know that the enemy that I am facing now is myself, my earthly desires, my comfort zone. God didn’t answer me at once and I know He wants me to wait and continue to seek more on Him. I talked to Rolly and he told me the same thing, Keep persuade God.
Rolly and Winda have been a blessing to me. Winda is 19 and she already joined Hannah for 8 months. Her courage and faith in God are what I lack of. I should really find out and affirmed by what is my identity in God. Rolly is 34 and I can felt that he had a really close relationship with God as he is able to know about my past, my feeling even my family situation before I tell him anything about that. And the most amazing part is, 10/10/2010 is the 1st month anniversary I came back to God since Life Game. On that day, God allowed me to visit the Hannah Ship and prompted my heart to mission. The next day, God sent Rolly and Winda to reaffirmed me and that time I was started to lazy and being timid in God’s ministry. Can you see how wonderfully God had blessed me? He is not only given me His son, He given me every blessing that I never thought of. I want to be dare and bold for God. I know who I am in God and I won’t be timid anymore in ministries of God. My past and sins can’t hold me back anymore.
Lord, I want to get closer to You each day. I want to know more about You and walk behind following Your lead in every aspects of my life. May you be extol in the throne of my life to be the king and lord of my life. You’re the one who saved me and I give up my life to you as it will be your responsibility now. Everything happen to me, You will be the one to be responsible as I obey your will. As I am offering my life, Lord, may you help me to take off all the worries of my life. Worry about my absence at my family, worry about my future, worry about my mum’s salvation. Lord, all these worries I uphold them to you. May you help me to overcome them day by day. Prepare my heart and the way where you want me to go. Answer me when I call to you for you’re my God. As I come to you because of my own desires that pulled back off from your calling, don’t hide your face from me, strengthen me to overcome it. Lord, you have been good and blessed me by many people. Lord, I want to bless others with your blessings too. May you open my eyes and ears to see and heard things above and beyond what I am having now. Lord, show me your way. This is my prayer. Amen.
AMEN!!!!! Remember when Jesus called His Disciples, they just left their fisherman business just like that...even their father in the boat - trusting God somehow that He would look after their father's business.
回覆刪除Actually I must thank you for sharing this... it gives me so much encouragement.
As I prayed and discussed with a member from the Hannah Ship, God didn't show green light in this mission but He had shown green light in my education. He had provided me a government scholarship and that is really out of my expectation!! God has His own plan for me, I truly believe that. For now, although He had given me this burden to go for mission but at the same time, He blessed me in my study, so I agreed burden need to pass the test of time. During the test of time, may I will be able to know more about God and God will mold me and purified to be pure gold and shine for Him one day in His own timing.
回覆刪除May God speaks to you through my experience. My experience is from God and it is also God who encouraged you through this. May God continue to bless you and provide you His ultimate strength for you to continue to shine for Him :D
Amen :)