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2010年12月12日星期日
Attention please (:
To all my dearest readers,
This blog will be inactive since this post is up until next year (2011) January 3rd. This is because I am going to be busy for the coming weeks, for church events, family gatherings and eh..some really matter questions to thought of and need to be solved. Time is limited but so much things to do and prepare. Moreover, school is going to starts in 20 days.
Anyway, I wish all of you a Blessed Christmas and Blessed New Year ahead. God bless you all :)
Jacklyn
2010年12月6日星期一
Update
Currently reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki. This book would be the second challenging book I ever read, the challenging book I ever read and study is my Pre-U Chemistry Text Book :P
Rich dad strike me at the first few pages I read once I got this book downloaded. It makes me realized there were seriously NO education about financial establishment taught in school, no matter it is in primary school or secondary school or Pre-U like me now. I'm so surprised that this book actually straight to the point answering about why is it nowadays so many youngsters are getting into financial problem such as credit cards overload and being part of the "monthly pocket clear".
I had stopped reading this book for 2-3 days because I thought I have no interest on that and it was too challenging for me. I have no interest to know about finance since in my mind, I am just a poor kid. I live by my mum's pension. I should already be grateful of what I have and stop asking for more. That was my mindset and to me, there is no financial security. When I got a huge amount of money, I don't know how to use it wisely and end up when the money is gone, I can't figure where did I used those money.
In between of those days, I kept thinking of a question, "When will you start to live a life that meant to be yours?" You're now living a life for God's sake, for the church, for your family, what about yourself and your future?? Don't you want a life that financial security would be present in it? For all those questions, my answers were "Yeah, I want a life that meant to be mine, balancing between the reality and spiritually (Although I know can't serve both well, I still want to give a try) and I want financial security in my life now on." Those days can be said as the most suffered days I had. I am a passive and laid back person. I wait things to happen. I let environment to shape and allow life to push around and give up. I am that kind of person. Asking myself those questions are actually the other way round of my personality and whom I used to be.
Once I got my answers, I stop wandering and start reading. I don't care even if I am in church reading that book. This is my life and I know my rights. People saw me reading, they keep quiet and walk away and I thank God for they do so. I spent most of my time reading and thinking of what I have read. I want to get rich not by showing off how big is my house or my car but get rich in getting money by make it works for me. I am aiming for a guitar that is going to cost me around RM 300 and am thinking how to get those money. Sometimes reading need to put into practical.
I am atthe beginning of lesson 2 last 7 pages of Lesson 1. I can't wait to finish it but I rather I fully understand and think about it, digest it well than rush and remember nothing about it. However, on the first lesson, I already realized I can make a change at the beginning of this year if I have already read this book. I quit my job as a kindergarten teacher because I think my principal is the problem who makes me feel pressure and also because of low pay. I was experiencing what most of the workers would experience when they are working and I gave up to fight back. As life pushed me to the corner, I gave up and quit the job and entered into Pre-U that I never thought of I will be in today. If I have read this book early, probably now I'm a in training kindergarten teacher having Rm 600+ pay per month and with some kindy children for tuition.
Well, life still goes on. I won't let life push me up the corner and give up this time. I failed in my Chemistry and got cursed to hang on the tree and at the moment until the day before I read this book, I have a thought of giving up to be a Science student. I think of quitting just as the reaction I have when I start complaining. However, now, I am NOT going to quit, I will work hard and improve my result. Time is my money and spending time to study is my investment, and the result of my study will be the "money" I have in future. Rich dad had just on a light bulb in my mind that my age and time that I have now is my money - not real money la, and I should use them wisely to invest into different areas such as studies and music skills for now.
I know it will be really tough to put myself into schedule that I planned to aim for good result and early revision next year. However, I will always remember Nick Vujicic. Without limbs and legs, he motivated and touched thousands lives. I, Jacklyn, with limbs and legs and just lack of some motivation will also able to do great things and be self motivating one day.
After such a long story about the book I read and thoughts I have, lets have something different here. I am going to have a year of resting and family for this Christmas season. I have been busy busy busy for every Christmas, neglected my family and relatives and never got a chance to spend some time with them to talk about Jesus Christ. I am not going to evangelize to them, I will just asking them questions to triggered them to think about Christmas day. One's thought shape his life. Let their thoughts be the one who tell them and change them.
Attended SIC Christmas Celebration last night, played with Irwinder's Iphone, non-stop praising the formation of Calvary Church's worship team. Their worship team are formed by YOUTH. SBC worship team - MID ADULTS. So, what's the next sentence? Use the thing between your 2 ears to find out.
I just prayed for a Christmas Present that I think it is too early for me but I still want to pray about it and hope so I will get it. And yeah, I used "pray" to this matter means I am being passive and for some personal reason, I can't be aggressive to this :P
Rich dad strike me at the first few pages I read once I got this book downloaded. It makes me realized there were seriously NO education about financial establishment taught in school, no matter it is in primary school or secondary school or Pre-U like me now. I'm so surprised that this book actually straight to the point answering about why is it nowadays so many youngsters are getting into financial problem such as credit cards overload and being part of the "monthly pocket clear".
I had stopped reading this book for 2-3 days because I thought I have no interest on that and it was too challenging for me. I have no interest to know about finance since in my mind, I am just a poor kid. I live by my mum's pension. I should already be grateful of what I have and stop asking for more. That was my mindset and to me, there is no financial security. When I got a huge amount of money, I don't know how to use it wisely and end up when the money is gone, I can't figure where did I used those money.
In between of those days, I kept thinking of a question, "When will you start to live a life that meant to be yours?" You're now living a life for God's sake, for the church, for your family, what about yourself and your future?? Don't you want a life that financial security would be present in it? For all those questions, my answers were "Yeah, I want a life that meant to be mine, balancing between the reality and spiritually (Although I know can't serve both well, I still want to give a try) and I want financial security in my life now on." Those days can be said as the most suffered days I had. I am a passive and laid back person. I wait things to happen. I let environment to shape and allow life to push around and give up. I am that kind of person. Asking myself those questions are actually the other way round of my personality and whom I used to be.
Once I got my answers, I stop wandering and start reading. I don't care even if I am in church reading that book. This is my life and I know my rights. People saw me reading, they keep quiet and walk away and I thank God for they do so. I spent most of my time reading and thinking of what I have read. I want to get rich not by showing off how big is my house or my car but get rich in getting money by make it works for me. I am aiming for a guitar that is going to cost me around RM 300 and am thinking how to get those money. Sometimes reading need to put into practical.
I am at
Well, life still goes on. I won't let life push me up the corner and give up this time. I failed in my Chemistry and got cursed to hang on the tree and at the moment until the day before I read this book, I have a thought of giving up to be a Science student. I think of quitting just as the reaction I have when I start complaining. However, now, I am NOT going to quit, I will work hard and improve my result. Time is my money and spending time to study is my investment, and the result of my study will be the "money" I have in future. Rich dad had just on a light bulb in my mind that my age and time that I have now is my money - not real money la, and I should use them wisely to invest into different areas such as studies and music skills for now.
I know it will be really tough to put myself into schedule that I planned to aim for good result and early revision next year. However, I will always remember Nick Vujicic. Without limbs and legs, he motivated and touched thousands lives. I, Jacklyn, with limbs and legs and just lack of some motivation will also able to do great things and be self motivating one day.
After such a long story about the book I read and thoughts I have, lets have something different here. I am going to have a year of resting and family for this Christmas season. I have been busy busy busy for every Christmas, neglected my family and relatives and never got a chance to spend some time with them to talk about Jesus Christ. I am not going to evangelize to them, I will just asking them questions to triggered them to think about Christmas day. One's thought shape his life. Let their thoughts be the one who tell them and change them.
Attended SIC Christmas Celebration last night, played with Irwinder's Iphone, non-stop praising the formation of Calvary Church's worship team. Their worship team are formed by YOUTH. SBC worship team - MID ADULTS. So, what's the next sentence? Use the thing between your 2 ears to find out.
I just prayed for a Christmas Present that I think it is too early for me but I still want to pray about it and hope so I will get it. And yeah, I used "pray" to this matter means I am being passive and for some personal reason, I can't be aggressive to this :P
2010年12月2日星期四
Beginning of December
Time flies that I have passed 12 days of my school holiday. It is nor long or short period but I have learn a lot and experienced separation with my dearest friends, cabin mates, brothers, sisters, father and mother on Hannah. It was painful but that make me most sure of I will meet them again one day, on Earth or in Heaven.
AS December is here, I guess we need some Christmas feel here. So, Merry Christmas to all before it is here :P I have been spending my Christmas preparation, Christmas eve and day in church for many years, 5 years, I guess? This year I ought to have a special Christmas, a year of rest and peace. My schedule is almost full for this month. Family, work- baby sitting, serving. Most of it are serving. 17, 18, 19, 24, 25,26 th December. Serving days on different position. However, I didn't join Caroling this year =D I will get more time spend with my mum and focus on stuff I want to do before this year end.
My Christmas is filled with the sadness of memorial of my granny and my dad. Sometimes, I don't sure which emotion I should have during that day. Happy? Sad? Neutral? Pretending? Anyway, I just want a peace and restful Christmas. No Christmas tree, No Christmas presents, No Christmas parties, Nothing. Just leave me alone with some tea and books. I know I can't do that to my family, so, I will still spend some times with them-mum and my pets (My rabbit is getting eh..HUGE!)
I hope all of you will have enjoyed this Christmas as a day of rest and meaningful. God bless and take care.
AS December is here, I guess we need some Christmas feel here. So, Merry Christmas to all before it is here :P I have been spending my Christmas preparation, Christmas eve and day in church for many years, 5 years, I guess? This year I ought to have a special Christmas, a year of rest and peace. My schedule is almost full for this month. Family, work- baby sitting, serving. Most of it are serving. 17, 18, 19, 24, 25,26 th December. Serving days on different position. However, I didn't join Caroling this year =D I will get more time spend with my mum and focus on stuff I want to do before this year end.
My Christmas is filled with the sadness of memorial of my granny and my dad. Sometimes, I don't sure which emotion I should have during that day. Happy? Sad? Neutral? Pretending? Anyway, I just want a peace and restful Christmas. No Christmas tree, No Christmas presents, No Christmas parties, Nothing. Just leave me alone with some tea and books. I know I can't do that to my family, so, I will still spend some times with them-mum and my pets (My rabbit is getting eh..HUGE!)
I hope all of you will have enjoyed this Christmas as a day of rest and meaningful. God bless and take care.
2010年11月27日星期六
Saturday hotness :)
I can hardly open my eyes now but I am going to Hannah at 3pm :/ Now is already 1.39pm. I have to bath and pack up my chord sheets for tonight :DD
When I slept late last night and wake up really early this morning, I already know I will be a dead body today. I planned to wake up at 8 but I woke up 5 as my area was black out, 6 my mum woke me up and I can't continue to sleep due to the heat. 2 hours doing nothing, just do some writing to list out what I have to learn by this holiday, some planning for next year on school duty and academic aims and eh. spend the longest time inside the bathroom with cold water. I usually finish bathing in 15-20mins but I stayed inside for 35 mins today. hahahahaha..
Went out with friend for a short outing, sharing, teasing and laughing. Back to church, the most challenging were already waiting for me. Once I arrived, start practice the dance "I love Jesus" for the audition to perform on 17-19 Dec. If I didn't have that conversation last night, I guess I won't have the faith and strength to motivate myself to do well and enjoy this super sweaty dance. After dancing, it was drama practice "Tomorrow". For the very first time, I have an aim on such thing, I meant performing on stage as a performer, not a musician. I want to be the Narrator or the Jesus character. Just either one. I don't want to be the main, it needs to be very emotional and childish - to me it is childish for a girl to keep bully his boy friend. So, eh.. I will keep my positive minded and move on until the day of audition.
After dnd, I am finally home with some wonderful food. I got hungry at 10.45am when I were still in the audition. Hungry makes an angry man and hungry makes me angry :( Now, I am full and comfortable. There are still many practices waiting for me, "Heaven is counting on You", "One", "God is so good". 1 dance, 2 songs :)
Self motivating...............stuff packing.....preparing speech for tonight (OMG!) about thanksgiving. ...challenging...but, I will stop saying Never but DO IT RIGHT :D
When I slept late last night and wake up really early this morning, I already know I will be a dead body today. I planned to wake up at 8 but I woke up 5 as my area was black out, 6 my mum woke me up and I can't continue to sleep due to the heat. 2 hours doing nothing, just do some writing to list out what I have to learn by this holiday, some planning for next year on school duty and academic aims and eh. spend the longest time inside the bathroom with cold water. I usually finish bathing in 15-20mins but I stayed inside for 35 mins today. hahahahaha..
Went out with friend for a short outing, sharing, teasing and laughing. Back to church, the most challenging were already waiting for me. Once I arrived, start practice the dance "I love Jesus" for the audition to perform on 17-19 Dec. If I didn't have that conversation last night, I guess I won't have the faith and strength to motivate myself to do well and enjoy this super sweaty dance. After dancing, it was drama practice "Tomorrow". For the very first time, I have an aim on such thing, I meant performing on stage as a performer, not a musician. I want to be the Narrator or the Jesus character. Just either one. I don't want to be the main, it needs to be very emotional and childish - to me it is childish for a girl to keep bully his boy friend. So, eh.. I will keep my positive minded and move on until the day of audition.
After dnd, I am finally home with some wonderful food. I got hungry at 10.45am when I were still in the audition. Hungry makes an angry man and hungry makes me angry :( Now, I am full and comfortable. There are still many practices waiting for me, "Heaven is counting on You", "One", "God is so good". 1 dance, 2 songs :)
Self motivating...............stuff packing.....preparing speech for tonight (OMG!) about thanksgiving. ...challenging...but, I will stop saying Never but DO IT RIGHT :D
2010年11月26日星期五
What a tired day!
I think I have the most craziest day today. Sharing my time evenly for family, ministry and small group. Every aspect are well taken care of but there's a price to pay, fatigue!
Tomorrow SBC is going up to Hannah at night. I am so excited for that because I miss my friends and the food so much! Muack for all the Korean Food and Philippians Food. Wohoo~
Time to go, I have another conversation waiting for me in Facebook :D
Tomorrow SBC is going up to Hannah at night. I am so excited for that because I miss my friends and the food so much! Muack for all the Korean Food and Philippians Food. Wohoo~
Time to go, I have another conversation waiting for me in Facebook :D
2010年11月22日星期一
Holiday kickstart!
Today is the first day of the first week of my holiday. I am already bored with it. I want to study for my Chemistry but my laziness drag me back. Tomorrow would be the first day I serve as "junior" staff. Hmm..
I thought holiday will be really exciting but I am so bored now :( I need find something to do instead of sitting before the laptop. However, I found something interesting. I just found out I used to be someone's first love. LOL. That's the most funny information I got. I dislike that guy up to the fullest yet his friend said I am his first love. *puke out all my breakfast*
We don't even started for a relationship, how come I would be his "first love"? Plus, I don't think he is treating me the same way as his friend said. He is being mean to me and spread rumour and "promoting" my blog all over the Facebook. I have decided to make another blog that I will only make known to some people that I have selected.
This is going to be a boring holiday, anyway. Unless .......
I thought holiday will be really exciting but I am so bored now :( I need find something to do instead of sitting before the laptop. However, I found something interesting. I just found out I used to be someone's first love. LOL. That's the most funny information I got. I dislike that guy up to the fullest yet his friend said I am his first love. *puke out all my breakfast*
We don't even started for a relationship, how come I would be his "first love"? Plus, I don't think he is treating me the same way as his friend said. He is being mean to me and spread rumour and "promoting" my blog all over the Facebook. I have decided to make another blog that I will only make known to some people that I have selected.
This is going to be a boring holiday, anyway. Unless .......
2010年11月21日星期日
Something new
I learn something new today, from a conversation with my friend that had been MIA (Missing in Action) for some months.
Sometimes, I used to think what kind of person I want to be. I don't want to be someone who always got bullied or affected by others. I want to be someone who is able to fight back in a manner that people won't realized but do bring affect on them. I should experience more and learn more from this friend of mine. I just wish he won't MIA for another 6 months again..hehehe..
I don't know how I should express myself today. I am happy, nervous, happy, nervous and hyper now, with migraine! I just want to say thank you to two gentlemen that send me to church and send me home just now :D Thanks, gentlemen!
Learn the difference between fetching and pick me up/send me home/other destination. Fetching is meant for animal, said SH :P
Accept your weaknesses and don't shy to let others know (in school la) but don't lied.
Make your weaknesses as your strong points because that's the thing people don't own but you do. Sometimes, I used to think what kind of person I want to be. I don't want to be someone who always got bullied or affected by others. I want to be someone who is able to fight back in a manner that people won't realized but do bring affect on them. I should experience more and learn more from this friend of mine. I just wish he won't MIA for another 6 months again..hehehe..
I don't know how I should express myself today. I am happy, nervous, happy, nervous and hyper now, with migraine! I just want to say thank you to two gentlemen that send me to church and send me home just now :D Thanks, gentlemen!
Learn the difference between fetching and pick me up/send me home/other destination. Fetching is meant for animal, said SH :P
2010年11月20日星期六
I never know..
There are things you never know if you never ask or you never tell someone. I knew what I never know tonight. I never know I really got so mad with that girl until I was telling another person. Through the way I expressed myself just now, I know I have been forcing myself NOT to bother about her but I actually do mind about that. I should learn a better way to deal with her and deal with those rumor that flying over the class, the schools and on the Facebook. Receiving a rose from an unknown is not a big deal, okay? I already placed that rose in my bathroom to dry that and also, I don't wish to put it in my room. It is wasting my space. I don't care who send that, you deserve it since you don't tell me who you're.
I never know my reason to reject a guy is funny until I was telling another person and make him laugh and question me back. Well, too thin can be a reason, right? We won't be match if we stand together. I wish when me and my partner stand together, people can see some matching. Moreover, I need someone who is mature and stronger than me. I am really a insecure lady :P Obviously outlook and age would be one of the convincing points of is he the right guy.Right? I know I am mean but hmm.. :X
And, I never know I have made such firm stand since 15 about my relationship should be built on stable financial and I am still keeping that in mind and I shared this to a him :o I can't believe that I have express the truest me in front of this friend. I only told my besties (Who are all girls) in secondary school when I start to have this thought. I never tell a him although there was necessity I have to said this but I lied :X I made out of reasons to reject someone but I have another real reason upon what I have done. Am I bad? :/ I know I am not a perfect person or a pretty person but that doesn't mean I don't have a right to choose, right?
I finally received the first wedding invitation card that printed with my name on, Miss Jacklyn Chung at my age of 18 last Sunday. I was so happy and extraordinarily hyper but not until my mum received another wedding invitation card from the same couple, the lady side. My mum wants to send me as on behalf of her to attend the dinner. Eh..that's mean I need to sit together with some elders that I have no idea who they are. Moreover, I just recover from my intestinal infection, can I eat those food? I am wondering. I am sure this would only happen once a lifetime. Saturday for the lady, Sunday for the gentlemen, if I am not mistaken. I wish I will be able to enjoy both of the days. I am still hyper anyway, but I can't figure out why am I hyper-ing now, right now~
I am going to play keyboard tomorrow morning worship. I have some fear about my performance. I seem like not up to the expectation of myself, as well as my leader. What I can do now is just keep reminding myself the Lord need not my performance to please him but my heart. I need not chase after people's expectation because I am doing that for the Lord and I will do my best for the Lord. Argh. I wish I won't stick out my tongue on the stage when I realized I did a mistake and no more head shakings for mistakes. Argh! Lord, help me!
Thank God I have transport to go church tomorrow, not by bus but a much more comfortable way. I am going with my friend's car, a friend that elder than me for 10 years! Hahahaha..I have overestimated his age. Sorry, man :P I will be coming home after service because my uncle is coming back from UK!! Yahoo~~ I didn't meet him for 7 years, wonder if he could recognize me...but I didn't change much, still rounded face and er..pale body shaped like what my mum referred. He is going to get married soon. Gosh, another red boom!
I am waiting for him to reply but I guess he is bathing or maybe doing something else :/ I better sleep now. Another challenging day is waiting for me!! Newspaper, breakfast, get ready, church, UNCLE and start studying :)
I never know my reason to reject a guy is funny until I was telling another person and make him laugh and question me back. Well, too thin can be a reason, right? We won't be match if we stand together. I wish when me and my partner stand together, people can see some matching. Moreover, I need someone who is mature and stronger than me. I am really a insecure lady :P Obviously outlook and age would be one of the convincing points of is he the right guy.Right? I know I am mean but hmm.. :X
And, I never know I have made such firm stand since 15 about my relationship should be built on stable financial and I am still keeping that in mind and I shared this to a him :o I can't believe that I have express the truest me in front of this friend. I only told my besties (Who are all girls) in secondary school when I start to have this thought. I never tell a him although there was necessity I have to said this but I lied :X I made out of reasons to reject someone but I have another real reason upon what I have done. Am I bad? :/ I know I am not a perfect person or a pretty person but that doesn't mean I don't have a right to choose, right?
I finally received the first wedding invitation card that printed with my name on, Miss Jacklyn Chung at my age of 18 last Sunday. I was so happy and extraordinarily hyper but not until my mum received another wedding invitation card from the same couple, the lady side. My mum wants to send me as on behalf of her to attend the dinner. Eh..that's mean I need to sit together with some elders that I have no idea who they are. Moreover, I just recover from my intestinal infection, can I eat those food? I am wondering. I am sure this would only happen once a lifetime. Saturday for the lady, Sunday for the gentlemen, if I am not mistaken. I wish I will be able to enjoy both of the days. I am still hyper anyway, but I can't figure out why am I hyper-ing now, right now~
I am going to play keyboard tomorrow morning worship. I have some fear about my performance. I seem like not up to the expectation of myself, as well as my leader. What I can do now is just keep reminding myself the Lord need not my performance to please him but my heart. I need not chase after people's expectation because I am doing that for the Lord and I will do my best for the Lord. Argh. I wish I won't stick out my tongue on the stage when I realized I did a mistake and no more head shakings for mistakes. Argh! Lord, help me!
Thank God I have transport to go church tomorrow, not by bus but a much more comfortable way. I am going with my friend's car, a friend that elder than me for 10 years! Hahahaha..I have overestimated his age. Sorry, man :P I will be coming home after service because my uncle is coming back from UK!! Yahoo~~ I didn't meet him for 7 years, wonder if he could recognize me...but I didn't change much, still rounded face and er..pale body shaped like what my mum referred. He is going to get married soon. Gosh, another red boom!
I am waiting for him to reply but I guess he is bathing or maybe doing something else :/ I better sleep now. Another challenging day is waiting for me!! Newspaper, breakfast, get ready, church, UNCLE and start studying :)
2010年11月18日星期四
EyeBrush
Well, went with my mum for optic specialist this morning and I love this doctor so much! Overall, my mum's eyes is okay, just one more medicine added into her routine medicine for eyesight. Extra care should be given too when she is going to outdoor. She needs to wear sunglasses and take Multivitamins, specifically in B complex and A. I got her a Multivitamin that is quite high in Vitamin A, hope that would help her.
My mum asked me a question about money and health and just before she asked me, I have thought of this question. It just depends which one do you take favour in. Your life or your wealth. I think wealth is useless when you have no health. So, I told my mum, if I were she, I will use money to give myself a better life and healthier body. Seeing doctor isn't a waste as long as that helps you to live a better life. Money, we can earn it again.
I am saying this not because I know I am going to used a lot of my mum's money coming future but because I really see the importance of life rather than money. I am going to do blood test and probably meet specialist from SMC next month. This holiday is not gonna be easy for me.
My mum asked me a question about money and health and just before she asked me, I have thought of this question. It just depends which one do you take favour in. Your life or your wealth. I think wealth is useless when you have no health. So, I told my mum, if I were she, I will use money to give myself a better life and healthier body. Seeing doctor isn't a waste as long as that helps you to live a better life. Money, we can earn it again.
I am saying this not because I know I am going to used a lot of my mum's money coming future but because I really see the importance of life rather than money. I am going to do blood test and probably meet specialist from SMC next month. This holiday is not gonna be easy for me.
2010年11月17日星期三
Oh TOO BAD
Today suppose to be my small group, Dandelion retreat. I really wish to join that I couldn't due to my phone was completely dyfunction last night and I didn't realized. Second was because I have to go back to school tomorrow and I know my health status that I need some more rest.
Spent another day at home. Reading. Planning. Thinking. Praying. Eating. Playing. Suffering now. I wanna finish my reading on Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix by today but I was distracted :P I also spent some time on planning and think about my holiday. Should I go for work or study at home or be volunteer in church? At last, I choose to work at my nanny's place, teaching little kids to read and write. I think mostly just read and teach them how to recognize words and sort of it. I will work for 5 days a week, 250 bucks a month. Not too bad, right? I can still do my own study when I am teaching them.
Spent time to pray as well. Really miserable recently. A lot of thoughts and words spoken out and done without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I can also see that God didn't call for the Hannah Training Camp. I am not sad for that but I continue to pray with expectation that the Lord will call me one day. I know the Lord sees a bigger picture than everyone around me does, including myself. So, to avoid wasting time, I think it is best to obey the Lord with humbleness.
I ate quite a lot of times today. The doctor told me to eat slowly and eat at a fixed interval. I was practicing and that wouldn't be too hard. Maybe today I was too bored and have no way to express myself, I ate a lot and ate really fast, based on what my mum observed. I also ate around 5 big prawns today without realizing my illness. I have intestinal infection, seafood like prawns and crabs should be avoided but I took prawn today. So, I am having intestinal irritation now. Have really bad stomachache when I bubu and feel like puke after I bubu. I have retake my medicine again, argh! Hate the pills!
My mum is going for Optic Specialist tomorrow. She has some problem on her eyesight, seeing stuff in double shadows when the light is too strong and directed to her eyes. I guess she had sensitive eyes. It is much more better to check up by a specialist and to really know how to cure that. I will be going with her too because the specialist will be an Indian lady if I am not mistakenly guess from her name and my mum needs someone to speak out of her situation in English. I know my mum always been proud of my ability in learning languages and shown really good result in that and I am glad too I can help my mum with the talents God placed in my life.
I will have to explain to the teacher tomorrow. I hope she will let me go, if she doesn't allow, I will still have to go, without my report card. I used think of the importance of family and study, with lots of struggling, I put family first. So, no matter how or what happened tomorrow, I will still have to leave before 9am. Really sorry to my group mates that I won't be around for the Ecology Project tomorrow.
So, in conclusion, I am having a "Oh-NOT TOO BAD" day but because of my fault, taken in food that I shouldn't take, I have make myself today a "Oh-TOO BAD" day. Stomach irritation is bad :( I shall pray that the Lord will heal me now.
Spent another day at home. Reading. Planning. Thinking. Praying. Eating. Playing. Suffering now. I wanna finish my reading on Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix by today but I was distracted :P I also spent some time on planning and think about my holiday. Should I go for work or study at home or be volunteer in church? At last, I choose to work at my nanny's place, teaching little kids to read and write. I think mostly just read and teach them how to recognize words and sort of it. I will work for 5 days a week, 250 bucks a month. Not too bad, right? I can still do my own study when I am teaching them.
Spent time to pray as well. Really miserable recently. A lot of thoughts and words spoken out and done without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I can also see that God didn't call for the Hannah Training Camp. I am not sad for that but I continue to pray with expectation that the Lord will call me one day. I know the Lord sees a bigger picture than everyone around me does, including myself. So, to avoid wasting time, I think it is best to obey the Lord with humbleness.
I ate quite a lot of times today. The doctor told me to eat slowly and eat at a fixed interval. I was practicing and that wouldn't be too hard. Maybe today I was too bored and have no way to express myself, I ate a lot and ate really fast, based on what my mum observed. I also ate around 5 big prawns today without realizing my illness. I have intestinal infection, seafood like prawns and crabs should be avoided but I took prawn today. So, I am having intestinal irritation now. Have really bad stomachache when I bubu and feel like puke after I bubu. I have retake my medicine again, argh! Hate the pills!
My mum is going for Optic Specialist tomorrow. She has some problem on her eyesight, seeing stuff in double shadows when the light is too strong and directed to her eyes. I guess she had sensitive eyes. It is much more better to check up by a specialist and to really know how to cure that. I will be going with her too because the specialist will be an Indian lady if I am not mistakenly guess from her name and my mum needs someone to speak out of her situation in English. I know my mum always been proud of my ability in learning languages and shown really good result in that and I am glad too I can help my mum with the talents God placed in my life.
I will have to explain to the teacher tomorrow. I hope she will let me go, if she doesn't allow, I will still have to go, without my report card. I used think of the importance of family and study, with lots of struggling, I put family first. So, no matter how or what happened tomorrow, I will still have to leave before 9am. Really sorry to my group mates that I won't be around for the Ecology Project tomorrow.
So, in conclusion, I am having a "Oh-NOT TOO BAD" day but because of my fault, taken in food that I shouldn't take, I have make myself today a "Oh-TOO BAD" day. Stomach irritation is bad :( I shall pray that the Lord will heal me now.
Honesty
What do you expect to see from me? Crying like a baby girl? Nah, you're wrong. I am not going to cry like a baby girl upon things that I don't get. If I don't get this one, I will wait for another one. I am sure there is someone better ahead or maybe, I already have one by my side is just I didn't realized it.
I can only say, I am silly. I have allowed it enter my life and interrupting my life from its normal routine and track. However, because of my silliness, I have got a friend that I think it is worth to have. When a friend daresay to stand up for you even though its identity is sensitive in that case, well, you have got a friend that is worth to have forever. I discussed this with YT and he agreed.
I need not clear out my emotion but I need to refocus on God again.
Good night, all creatures of God :)
I can only say, I am silly. I have allowed it enter my life and interrupting my life from its normal routine and track. However, because of my silliness, I have got a friend that I think it is worth to have. When a friend daresay to stand up for you even though its identity is sensitive in that case, well, you have got a friend that is worth to have forever. I discussed this with YT and he agreed.
I need not clear out my emotion but I need to refocus on God again.
Good night, all creatures of God :)
2010年11月16日星期二
不为你
我不因你不喜欢而贬低自己，
就如我说过，
“我不想去侵犯一个不属于我的男人，因为我不想真正属于他的人难过。只要把自己带入一个情况设想，原本只属于你的一些东西，在你到手前却被很多人摸过，捏过，甚至弄脏了！你会难过吗？一个人无数次的去不同的女生谈恋爱就等于了他一直在侵犯属于别人的女人，而他的爱一点也不矜贵，因为在你之前，他已经和无数个女生分享过了应该只属于你的爱。我 猜想，没有人会想要属于自己的爱在自己到手前，已经被无数人分享过了吧？我个人，是很不喜欢，所以就算我现在真的很想有个伴，我还是选择等，因为我要我第 一次的恋爱，也是我最后一次的恋爱，把我最好的第一次都留给那个只应该属于他的那个人。在等待的这一段时间，我要好好的享受并领受他的大爱，因为唯有神的 爱是永恒的爱，不计较错误的爱，我要以这爱来爱我身边的每一个人。唯有爱，才能使一个人义无反顾地去奉献生命。”
男生不一定要当英雄，因为只要你愿意，
上帝可以做你们俩的真正的英雄！
就如我说过，
“我不想去侵犯一个不属于我的男人，因为我不想真正属于他的人难过。只要把自己带入一个情况设想，原本只属于你的一些东西，在你到手前却被很多人摸过，捏过，甚至弄脏了！你会难过吗？一个人无数次的去不同的女生谈恋爱就等于了他一直在侵犯属于别人的女人，而他的爱一点也不矜贵，因为在你之前，他已经和无数个女生分享过了应该只属于你的爱。我 猜想，没有人会想要属于自己的爱在自己到手前，已经被无数人分享过了吧？我个人，是很不喜欢，所以就算我现在真的很想有个伴，我还是选择等，因为我要我第 一次的恋爱，也是我最后一次的恋爱，把我最好的第一次都留给那个只应该属于他的那个人。在等待的这一段时间，我要好好的享受并领受他的大爱，因为唯有神的 爱是永恒的爱，不计较错误的爱，我要以这爱来爱我身边的每一个人。唯有爱，才能使一个人义无反顾地去奉献生命。”
男生不一定要当英雄，因为只要你愿意，
上帝可以做你们俩的真正的英雄！
Rose
Received the third rose ever in my life today. First rose was from my youth leader when we were on the way to Bundu Tuhan, somewhere around the Kundasang. Second rose was during my secondary graduation. Third rose is today, the gift sending organized by Prefect Society. The one who sent me this rose didn't shown up his/her name but I guess it is a SHE. I guess that is from Wong Bik May, my bestie. Hahaha..
Heaviness....
My emotion was fluctuating since yesterday. Things weren't going as smooth as I thought. I got so high spirit yesterday morning for I have received a certificate upon my well-disciplined performance. At the same time, my heart was being down, really down when I know I have to act to be not too cared about that. My mood continue to be at down hill for the whole day for I am not able to go Hannah because of need to back to school today.
I miss Hannah members so much. They are my best friends and I am sure Rolly and Refy are able to comfort me. I know for now, I should stop moody and move on. That's part of life. I need to fight, fight for my study, fight for my ministry, fight for my future. I spent most of my time on Harry Potter today in the Biology Lab. When I heard his voice, I had a sense of excitement but when I look at him, that reminds me what I have said on msn with him. I continued my reading and ate by my own regret of what I have said.
Another attack on emotional just now. A creature of God commented on my blog on a specific blog about him. I hate that so much and I am set myself on a trap that I have fight back in a bad manner. Another proof how bad is my spiritual awareness. Hmm. I am sorry, my Lord. And I am sorry to who-so-ever-that-is-concerned, especially Gabriel and Nelson.
I should have make a time to clear out my emotion. Tomorrow is Wednesday, I wish to go for Mission Day but I have school on Thursday. Thus, I need to wait for 2 more days to really talk to my leader about this. I am sure they will ask "Why do you choose to let this happen after you make a decision to offer your life to the Lord?" This is the question that stopping from approach my leader but I gave up now. I will approach them no matter what question they will ask.
I want grow out from this, God has a bigger plan awaits me.
Once again, thanks for the rose :)
Heaviness....
My emotion was fluctuating since yesterday. Things weren't going as smooth as I thought. I got so high spirit yesterday morning for I have received a certificate upon my well-disciplined performance. At the same time, my heart was being down, really down when I know I have to act to be not too cared about that. My mood continue to be at down hill for the whole day for I am not able to go Hannah because of need to back to school today.
I miss Hannah members so much. They are my best friends and I am sure Rolly and Refy are able to comfort me. I know for now, I should stop moody and move on. That's part of life. I need to fight, fight for my study, fight for my ministry, fight for my future. I spent most of my time on Harry Potter today in the Biology Lab. When I heard his voice, I had a sense of excitement but when I look at him, that reminds me what I have said on msn with him. I continued my reading and ate by my own regret of what I have said.
Another attack on emotional just now. A creature of God commented on my blog on a specific blog about him. I hate that so much and I am set myself on a trap that I have fight back in a bad manner. Another proof how bad is my spiritual awareness. Hmm. I am sorry, my Lord. And I am sorry to who-so-ever-that-is-concerned, especially Gabriel and Nelson.
I should have make a time to clear out my emotion. Tomorrow is Wednesday, I wish to go for Mission Day but I have school on Thursday. Thus, I need to wait for 2 more days to really talk to my leader about this. I am sure they will ask "Why do you choose to let this happen after you make a decision to offer your life to the Lord?" This is the question that stopping from approach my leader but I gave up now. I will approach them no matter what question they will ask.
I want grow out from this, God has a bigger plan awaits me.
Once again, thanks for the rose :)
2010年11月13日星期六
Rejoice!!
I guess, I will write my blog in English again. If there is no special issue, I wish I won't change my language to express myself. Rejoice, for I, finally continue to live my own life for the Lord and write for my own feeling.
I just came back Hannah. I have hectic day. I helped in the steward department, lunch, SBC youth visitation, serving in Cafe, aggrieved during serving, mood down, deceiving myself, talk to Refi, pray to God, dinner, bath, read the Bible, I am RECOVERED now ;)
Tiredness and feeling of insecure are killing. I am not angry with the brother who wronged me and talked to me in a harsh manner. I understood how things happen when you are busy and you are looking for a hand to help you. I am willing to forgive him because he had alerted me how weak is my spiritual awareness. I should have pray to God for His mercy and strength when this brother aggrieved me but I didn't. So, it is my fault that I have allowed Satan to have a foothold and attack me.
I thank God for every wonderful person that He had placed in my life. I choose to see only their strength but not their faults against me or against any other matter. I believe that is the best way to build up a good relationship. For somewhere in the Proverbs said "A man's wisdom gives him patience, it is his glory to overlook an offense." May the Glory be to God when every time I choose to overlook people's offense with the Wisdom of God.
I read Philippians 4 and Psalms 3 after my dinner. Both of these passages encouraged me a lot in a way that, I can always be Rejoice because the Lord is with me. I need to not to anxious about anything but pray upon everything to God because I am His child. My worries and problems wouldn't be a stepping stone that stop me from growing because the Lord is my shield. He will protect me over my problems and destroy my enemies that stand against me. I have prayed to the Lord that I want Him to clean my mind. Empty my mind and start to fill in things that true, noble, lovely, right, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. I want to think about that always and put in practice whatever I have received from the Lord.
Last night God already speaks to me that wants me to be with Him tightly for 40 days. He wants me to do a 40 days prayer. I answered with an unwilling heart and I have yet to start. However, I will start today. I already pray to God and I even talk to Him about the decision that I have made before I tell my Pastor, my mum or my friends! When I am in sorrow, I know only God who is able to help so it is wisely to turn to God, FIRST.
Thank you for today, my Lord. You let me experienced what is contented in any circumstances. Please help me continue to experience that ;)
I just came back Hannah. I have hectic day. I helped in the steward department, lunch, SBC youth visitation, serving in Cafe, aggrieved during serving, mood down, deceiving myself, talk to Refi, pray to God, dinner, bath, read the Bible, I am RECOVERED now ;)
Tiredness and feeling of insecure are killing. I am not angry with the brother who wronged me and talked to me in a harsh manner. I understood how things happen when you are busy and you are looking for a hand to help you. I am willing to forgive him because he had alerted me how weak is my spiritual awareness. I should have pray to God for His mercy and strength when this brother aggrieved me but I didn't. So, it is my fault that I have allowed Satan to have a foothold and attack me.
I thank God for every wonderful person that He had placed in my life. I choose to see only their strength but not their faults against me or against any other matter. I believe that is the best way to build up a good relationship. For somewhere in the Proverbs said "A man's wisdom gives him patience, it is his glory to overlook an offense." May the Glory be to God when every time I choose to overlook people's offense with the Wisdom of God.
I read Philippians 4 and Psalms 3 after my dinner. Both of these passages encouraged me a lot in a way that, I can always be Rejoice because the Lord is with me. I need to not to anxious about anything but pray upon everything to God because I am His child. My worries and problems wouldn't be a stepping stone that stop me from growing because the Lord is my shield. He will protect me over my problems and destroy my enemies that stand against me. I have prayed to the Lord that I want Him to clean my mind. Empty my mind and start to fill in things that true, noble, lovely, right, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. I want to think about that always and put in practice whatever I have received from the Lord.
Last night God already speaks to me that wants me to be with Him tightly for 40 days. He wants me to do a 40 days prayer. I answered with an unwilling heart and I have yet to start. However, I will start today. I already pray to God and I even talk to Him about the decision that I have made before I tell my Pastor, my mum or my friends! When I am in sorrow, I know only God who is able to help so it is wisely to turn to God, FIRST.
Thank you for today, my Lord. You let me experienced what is contented in any circumstances. Please help me continue to experience that ;)
2010年11月12日星期五
坦白
我不知道我说的那番话,是对的还是错的.
但是我也不能改变什么.
我这只牛终于睡醒了,我之前明白了,现在只不过是更确定了.
他,不喜欢我,我懂了.
看来这假期我不会再发白日梦了（想放笑脸但是我真的笑不出来）...
谢谢他的坦白,我不会再纠缠了.
你的不好意思只会让我觉得我好笨.
他已经离开了,一切将回到好似开学的时候,我专著的事,我的学业,我的梦想.
我笨,是因为我被他彻底的破坏得我的心情. （我的心理质数差了些...）
我太容易喜欢我遇见的人了,但是这一次我碰钉子了.
我还是好好读书,好好装备自己为神奉献生命好了.
我知道我现在很不想见任何人,但是那只会让魔鬼有机可乘来攻击我.
走了,要去参加小组,虽然我很不愿意.
谢谢你的坦白, 至少现在我的快乐不会再建立在你的怨气中.
愿上帝祝福你.
但是我也不能改变什么.
我这只牛终于睡醒了,我之前明白了,现在只不过是更确定了.
他,不喜欢我,我懂了.
看来这假期我不会再发白日梦了（想放笑脸但是我真的笑不出来）...
谢谢他的坦白,我不会再纠缠了.
你的不好意思只会让我觉得我好笨.
他已经离开了,一切将回到好似开学的时候,我专著的事,我的学业,我的梦想.
我笨,是因为我被他彻底的破坏得我的心情. （我的心理质数差了些...）
我太容易喜欢我遇见的人了,但是这一次我碰钉子了.
我还是好好读书,好好装备自己为神奉献生命好了.
我知道我现在很不想见任何人,但是那只会让魔鬼有机可乘来攻击我.
走了,要去参加小组,虽然我很不愿意.
谢谢你的坦白, 至少现在我的快乐不会再建立在你的怨气中.
愿上帝祝福你.
2010年11月7日星期日
最痛的时候
昨晚胃痛找上了我。从星期四晚上呕吐之后，紧接着来的是腹部的疼痛，慢慢地疼痛的感觉占据了胃的部分。昨晚就是最严重的一次，我也希望它是最后一次，因为实在太痛了！
人在痛苦的时候，往往会想办法疏解疼痛的感觉。基本上，家里是不会有胃药的。一是因为我和我妈都很健康，没有胃病。二是，胃药的存在会引起恐慌。我爸是因为肠胃癌而过世的所以胃药的存在会让我们害怕。昨晚，疼痛加恐惧让我更亲近神。以前经历过的事让我了解，除了上帝以外，没有人能够真正的帮助我胜过我的问题。
我祷告了，上帝并没有立刻医治我， 但是他让我好的睡眠。凌晨一点左右，我饿醒了因为晚餐时还是胃痛所以吃不多。我以为吃下一些东西会让我好一些，疼痛的感觉却加剧了！！回到房间，我还是想神祷告求他保守医治我。如果好像我爸一样，不幸的事情发生在我身上，我最后的愿望是希望我妈能够认识神，并接受耶稣为他的救主。之后就发简讯给我的组长和牧师，请他们在祷告中纪念我。接下来东翻西翻发现趴趴熊的姿势能够减轻胃部的疼痛，就一直趴着睡到天亮。
在最痛的时候，我能够第一个想到上帝，让我觉得我的生命改变了。我越来越依靠上帝了。我第二想到的是一个样子，性格和我初恋几乎一样的一个人，和他一起让我惊喜不断，学会从不同的角度看事物，我也深深了解为什么他胃痛的时候他的心情是那么的差，因为胃痛来袭时，真的很痛，痛得你不懂要如何处置它，站也不是，坐也不是，躺着也不是，真的会严重的影响一个人的心情。我不懂我为什么会突然想起这个人，或许是因为昨晚和他一起，第一次主动聊起了自己的家事吧！要不然就是因为他载我回家时发生的趣事吧！哈哈哈....
希望最痛的时刻不要再来了：（
人在痛苦的时候，往往会想办法疏解疼痛的感觉。基本上，家里是不会有胃药的。一是因为我和我妈都很健康，没有胃病。二是，胃药的存在会引起恐慌。我爸是因为肠胃癌而过世的所以胃药的存在会让我们害怕。昨晚，疼痛加恐惧让我更亲近神。以前经历过的事让我了解，除了上帝以外，没有人能够真正的帮助我胜过我的问题。
我祷告了，上帝并没有立刻医治我， 但是他让我好的睡眠。凌晨一点左右，我饿醒了因为晚餐时还是胃痛所以吃不多。我以为吃下一些东西会让我好一些，疼痛的感觉却加剧了！！回到房间，我还是想神祷告求他保守医治我。如果好像我爸一样，不幸的事情发生在我身上，我最后的愿望是希望我妈能够认识神，并接受耶稣为他的救主。之后就发简讯给我的组长和牧师，请他们在祷告中纪念我。接下来东翻西翻发现趴趴熊的姿势能够减轻胃部的疼痛，就一直趴着睡到天亮。
在最痛的时候，我能够第一个想到上帝，让我觉得我的生命改变了。我越来越依靠上帝了。我第二想到的是一个样子，性格和我初恋几乎一样的一个人，和他一起让我惊喜不断，学会从不同的角度看事物，我也深深了解为什么他胃痛的时候他的心情是那么的差，因为胃痛来袭时，真的很痛，痛得你不懂要如何处置它，站也不是，坐也不是，躺着也不是，真的会严重的影响一个人的心情。我不懂我为什么会突然想起这个人，或许是因为昨晚和他一起，第一次主动聊起了自己的家事吧！要不然就是因为他载我回家时发生的趣事吧！哈哈哈....
希望最痛的时刻不要再来了：（
2010年11月4日星期四
希望不是病了
今天一整天只吃了海鲜面（早餐），蘑菇意粉+Muffin （午餐），晚餐只吃了几条香蕉。刚才却吐的好像要把胃液也要吐出来一样，现在嘴巴很酸，肚子又很不舒服。到底怎么了？我希望我不是病了，只是食物不干净，明天就会好了。如果生病了，星期六就不能上船了 :( 在这里，我要奉主耶稣的名宣告，我明天一定会痊愈并能够继续在我的事工上服事他！
原本还有很多事要说但是，实在很不舒服，就简短的说，我放下的事情将为我献上给耶和华的祭，从今以后，耶和华为我生命的王，我生命的一切安排都已经交托给他。我喜欢谁，已经不再重要了因为我要学会看重上帝在我生命中看重的事情。
好了，晚安！ 希望明天会好起来，也希望今晚能睡 :)
原本还有很多事要说但是，实在很不舒服，就简短的说，我放下的事情将为我献上给耶和华的祭，从今以后，耶和华为我生命的王，我生命的一切安排都已经交托给他。我喜欢谁，已经不再重要了因为我要学会看重上帝在我生命中看重的事情。
好了，晚安！ 希望明天会好起来，也希望今晚能睡 :)
想哭
第一次我明白了，却想假装不懂。
你曾经问我，我喜欢的人是谁，我不答你并不是因为我要装神秘，而是我自己也不确定，考试又在进行中。考试的最后一天，我和他在一个星期过后第一次一起回家。我想告诉他很多的事情但是你好像不是很想说话。我第一次有了“你不知道的事”那首歌的感觉，那种遗憾，无奈，悲哀的感觉。
面子书上的一句话，好像把我唯一的期望都毁了。他把我删了。开始的时候，我以为自己可以好像当初认识他一样，爱理不理的。过去的一天，我不想呆在家，我宁愿到教会帮忙也不愿意承认自己真的在意他。虽然在教会的一天，很开心，帮牧师处理文件，跟忠伟学学跳舞，斗斗嘴但是回到家还是想起了他。
我错了吗？为什么喜欢一个人会那么受罪？ 难道错过了，心声就会变遗憾了吗？时光可以倒流吗？我想告诉他，我喜欢他但是我不奢求我们会有进一步的发展因为我还不够自爱。如果我自爱，我不会再夜晚时分还在想那件事，还没睡。
给他写了一篇信息，希望他会原谅我。得到的却是他轻飘的“Consider 1st"，那一刻，我真的很想哭，很难过不是因为他，而是我看错人了吗？为什么他变得不一样了？我不会埋怨上帝因为我知道我彻底的错了。就算他和列出的择偶条件，又多么的吻合，那算什么？我把自己弄得太狼狈了，接下来我应该怎么做呢？
这一刻，我突然有想立刻离开的感觉。
你曾经问我，我喜欢的人是谁，我不答你并不是因为我要装神秘，而是我自己也不确定，考试又在进行中。考试的最后一天，我和他在一个星期过后第一次一起回家。我想告诉他很多的事情但是你好像不是很想说话。我第一次有了“你不知道的事”那首歌的感觉，那种遗憾，无奈，悲哀的感觉。
面子书上的一句话，好像把我唯一的期望都毁了。他把我删了。开始的时候，我以为自己可以好像当初认识他一样，爱理不理的。过去的一天，我不想呆在家，我宁愿到教会帮忙也不愿意承认自己真的在意他。虽然在教会的一天，很开心，帮牧师处理文件，跟忠伟学学跳舞，斗斗嘴但是回到家还是想起了他。
我错了吗？为什么喜欢一个人会那么受罪？ 难道错过了，心声就会变遗憾了吗？时光可以倒流吗？我想告诉他，我喜欢他但是我不奢求我们会有进一步的发展因为我还不够自爱。如果我自爱，我不会再夜晚时分还在想那件事，还没睡。
给他写了一篇信息，希望他会原谅我。得到的却是他轻飘的“Consider 1st"，那一刻，我真的很想哭，很难过不是因为他，而是我看错人了吗？为什么他变得不一样了？我不会埋怨上帝因为我知道我彻底的错了。就算他和列出的择偶条件，又多么的吻合，那算什么？我把自己弄得太狼狈了，接下来我应该怎么做呢？
这一刻，我突然有想立刻离开的感觉。
2010年10月28日星期四
短短一篇诉我心
从“喜欢，不喜欢，喜欢，不喜欢......”到“应该，不应该，应该，不应该......”到“放手，不放手，放手，不放手......”只不过是4天的时间。我已经确定了，“我喜欢他”，“我不知道应该还不应该告诉他”，“我愿意放手，先向神祷告”。
我也看不出他到底是不是喜欢我，因为他好像对每个人都是那样，嘻嘻哈哈的 (._.) 虽然他偶尔会让我察觉他和我向神列出的择偶条件有出入，但是我还是不是很了解他。我想，先多了解他，才真正告诉他吧？对不对？
他在我要做决定出去宣教的时候，扶持了我很多，给了我很多帮助我短浅的目光去看见我未能能看见的事物，但是当我真的可以上船服事的时候，他又好像有点不开心。我虽然认识他才一段时间，但是我蛮喜欢他的为人。然后...不懂了..世界上没有两全其美的事。我并不能同时拥有恋爱和服事，唯有祷告向神诉苦吧！
暂时来说，我还蛮享受我们相处的方式 :)
我也看不出他到底是不是喜欢我，因为他好像对每个人都是那样，嘻嘻哈哈的 (._.) 虽然他偶尔会让我察觉他和我向神列出的择偶条件有出入，但是我还是不是很了解他。我想，先多了解他，才真正告诉他吧？对不对？
他在我要做决定出去宣教的时候，扶持了我很多，给了我很多帮助我短浅的目光去看见我未能能看见的事物，但是当我真的可以上船服事的时候，他又好像有点不开心。我虽然认识他才一段时间，但是我蛮喜欢他的为人。然后...不懂了..世界上没有两全其美的事。我并不能同时拥有恋爱和服事，唯有祷告向神诉苦吧！
暂时来说，我还蛮享受我们相处的方式 :)
2010年10月25日星期一
My past
It strikes me so hard when I pray about the verse I am going to study today, James 2. That reminds me a friend, a friend that I have since Primary 6 until now. The sad part is we don't know talk anymore. She is joining my small group and as a elder member, I have accepted her but I have scary feeling toward her. Not that because she said something hurt me before, but because I don't know how to communicate with us as she were isolating herself from me since hmmm...2-3 years ago?
I know my past is a past tense for me now. I have made brand new in the Lord :) Maybe, I should build up my relationship with her? I know I shouldn't show favouritism to anyone but sometimes, people, really hard to tahan with their rudeness and ruthless. Especially the younger one, looking at them, is actually looking back to the me which was 5 years ago. I pray to God that I really urge to see life change in them. God can change a junk like me, God can change them too.
I shall pray and talk to this girl, right? But not in a way to please people, but God.
I also need to pray for revival in Youth. I saw our youth has become more commercial rather than Godly. The first thing people saw the concert invitation card is ask, DO I NEED TO PAY FOR ENTRANCE FEE? It is because the invitation card look so commercial and I took a long time explain to them it is an EVANGELICAL CONCERT and YOU DON'T NEED TO PAY FOR ENTRANCE FEE BECAUSE IT IS FREE!!
May God open the spiritual eyes of my youth leaders that they may see the Ministry from God's angle.
I know my past is a past tense for me now. I have made brand new in the Lord :) Maybe, I should build up my relationship with her? I know I shouldn't show favouritism to anyone but sometimes, people, really hard to tahan with their rudeness and ruthless. Especially the younger one, looking at them, is actually looking back to the me which was 5 years ago. I pray to God that I really urge to see life change in them. God can change a junk like me, God can change them too.
I shall pray and talk to this girl, right? But not in a way to please people, but God.
I also need to pray for revival in Youth. I saw our youth has become more commercial rather than Godly. The first thing people saw the concert invitation card is ask, DO I NEED TO PAY FOR ENTRANCE FEE? It is because the invitation card look so commercial and I took a long time explain to them it is an EVANGELICAL CONCERT and YOU DON'T NEED TO PAY FOR ENTRANCE FEE BECAUSE IT IS FREE!!
May God open the spiritual eyes of my youth leaders that they may see the Ministry from God's angle.
绝不言弃
当我知道我能够上哈娜那天开始，就一直觉得很累，很忙，很乱。我清楚现在只有上帝真正的与我同在，真正的能够帮助我度过这个奇奇怪怪的一段时间。曾经为着不需要担心的事，来挣扎，来让自己不能平静下来。感谢神今天让我看见现在真的没有必要把自己弄得乱七八糟，要来的，他会来，一切都已经安排好了。
突然觉得生命平静下来，少了担心的事却又开始担忧平静的后面是否隐藏了什么样的暴风雨。虽然现在能够得到牧师的批准上哈娜服事两天已经是一个好的开始，但是我并不会满意于现阶段。上帝给我的梦想和异象比这还大！我还要更多，更大的祝福和谦卑的心去成就属神的大事！我知道我会比现在更累，更想哭但是我绝对不会放弃，因为这是上帝用他独生子赎回来的生命！如此珍贵的生命却不愿让神使用，一切都是虚无的。
我知道我现在所作的决定，我必须把生命献上，那时一个代价。每个人每做一件背后都有一个代价，而出去宣教的代价就是把生命献上给神，生命不想再属于自己的了。每做一件事，都必须得到上帝的批准。你问我，“值得吗？”“我只能说，把生命献上给神是我现在唯一能够看见我有未来的选择，是有应许和平安的未来。”
从我做了那个决定开始，有很多的事情在我的心理和思想里发生。我希望得到人们的认同，我希望我能够舒舒服服的完成上帝的使命，我希望我能够赚很多的钱来满足我和家人的需要，我希望能够拥有一切高科技的东西，我害怕我的生命没有意义...... 关于这一些，我都没有去寻求人的意见因为我相信我的上帝比任何人都大，有智慧，有能力改变生命！现在我已摆脱了这些困扰因为我要活得比任何人都不同，我要成为有勇气为神成为特别的仆人。我学会了我不能同时取悦上帝和身边的人，而我已经选择了取悦上帝，就算世界会与我为敌。
无论以后的路有多难走，我知道上帝与我同行，我不必惧怕因为投靠他的人必的庇护，所以我也绝对不会放弃，即使我将会失去的是我的生命。
好啦~要念书了：）
2010年10月24日星期日
2010年10月23日星期六
Praise the LORD!
I met my pastor today and we have a talk about port volunteer. After some talking and deep thought about what she said, I will have to do an agreement with God tonight and a promise to my mum that I will phone her everyday when I am on the ship. Besides that, I need to pray more and even harder than before! My pastor endorsed my port volunteer form!! You know, God has victory over Satan who deceived me that 2 choose 1 will happen :D
I really blessed by the Lord! Within 43days, GOD CHANGED ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT :D You can experience God too, even greater than the changes in me :D
I want to praise the Lord for His faithfulness and all those beautiful people (my mum, pastor Siew Mooi, Eyen, Hooi Wen, Winda, Rolly, Dave, David, Mr. and Mrs. Barnabas, Mariana, May, Mia, Esther, Ana, Refee and those who I am yet to know :]) that He had sent to me in His timing.
Lord, You’re awesome and powerful! You make things impossible to be possible with You. Lord, protect my heart against anything that will draw me away. Cut off the communication of the Evil one and stop him from destroying and deceiving me. Lord, I know I belong to you and because of Your son, I am no longer under the authority of the Evil one and sins!! Amen! :)
2010年10月22日星期五
2010年10月21日星期四
无言
难道这是新的试验吗？用马来文祷告对我来说是一间很困难的事情，但是我被选中担任每个星期的祷告负责人。基本上是我去找人做祷告，但是如果找不到呢，就是我上台去祷告。这很恐怖哦！如果是英文，华语，广东话，我也没那么怕，现在是国语诶！看来我要更亲近上帝，求他带领我，因为明天就开始由我负责了！我完全什么东西都不知道！看来现在是时候去实行我时常提醒自己的一句话：“上帝并创造我们的旨意并不是单单地看见自己的极限，而忧心起来。反之，他要我们在看见自己的极限时，仰望他，信任他的带领和从他那里得到力量冲破我们眼前的极限！”"God didn’t create us to see our limitations. Instead, He created us to overcome our limitations by His strength! ”
今天的标题是《无言》，并不是因为绝望，也不是因为无奈，而是上帝的祝福和安排让我觉得，他的信实是不能以任何的言语来表达。唯有静默的在他的里头，仰望他，感谢他胜于一切的事物。
上个星期日，是我十分累的一天。一来是假期时每天都很迟睡。二来是那时不愿意顺服上帝，一直在担心如果把生命献上，我的未来会是怎样的。早上参与了崇拜，硬撑着听牧师讲道。之后，和青少年疯了一会再继续上人猿中心玩。到了下午，我已经累倒了极限！坏脾气也在酝酿着，一直不断祷告，想快一点回家。那时除了祷告，心里也在想：“如果我有一个男朋友，在我疲累时，让我依靠；在我气馁时，给我鼓励；在我开心时，和我一起同乐；在患难时，依靠神一起胜过，一起成长…… 我真的很希望我可以快一些遇见他，我不想等了…”我经常因着还没有有谈恋爱的经验觉得很恼怒，时常在问：“为虾米？为虾米没有人要我？”云云之类的负面思想…
但是，刚才我有了新的想法。人总需要有个伴却不能让这个伴代替了上帝在我们生命中的位子。有个伴，固然好。疲惫时可以有个肩膀来靠，但是真正能够让我们从疲惫中重新出发的，是从上帝那里得到力量。我一直都有在为我的未来伴侣祷告。只求他天天更亲近神，更有爱心，喜乐于服事他人。我不知道他身在何方，不知道他的姓名，不知道他的一切但是我相信上帝已经为我准备了一个合乎他心意，能够一生和我同行在他真理的一个男人。
当我越来越亲近神，我和身边的人的关系也改善了。我和我班上的朋友原本是势如水火，现在虽然还不是很friend,但是也算得上关系改善了。至少大家坐下来时，有话题可以聊。在我班上，最近最能够和我聊就只有我班上的三个男生。我班上是名副其实的女多男少，8女3男。每当晚上在数算上帝一天的祝福时，最开心的事关系改善了，二来是在班上能够有个人和我聊关于一些话题是我不会向教会以外的人说的。就很感谢上帝但同时也要小心保护自己的心。毕竟我是一个女生，有时会想很多男生没在想的事。无论多么能聊，我都告诉自己还不是去思考进一步发展的时候，上帝还有更大的事情要我去成就，去影响生命，去把属于神的子民都带回到他的宝座前。
同时，我也不想去侵犯一个不属于我的男人，因为我不想真正属于他的人难过。只要把自己带入一个情况设想，原本只属于你的一些东西，在你到手前却被很多人摸过，捏过，甚至弄脏了！你会难过吗？我遇见一个长得很帅的男生，他对我说：“我妈很鼓励我去多谈恋爱….谈恋爱嘛，喜欢就上咯…不喜欢，就走人咯...”一个人无数次的去不同的女生谈恋爱就等于了他一直在侵犯属于别人的女人，而他的爱一点也不矜贵，因为在你之前，他已经和无数个女生分享过了应该只属于你的爱。我猜想，没有人会想要属于自己的爱在自己到手前，已经被无数人分享过了吧？我个人，是很不喜欢，所以就算我现在真的很想有个伴，我还是选择等，因为我要我第一次的恋爱，也是我最后一次的恋爱，把我最好的第一次都留给那个只应该属于他的那个人。在等待的这一段时间，我要好好的享受并领受他的大爱，因为唯有神的爱是永恒的爱，不计较错误的爱，我要以这爱来爱我身边的每一个人。唯有爱，才能使一个人义无反顾地去奉献生命。
[看吧！明明说过今天不说感情事，现在整篇都是！恼怒诶！看来写中文真的能够让我抒发我用英文写时无法说出的事情 :)]
2010年10月20日星期三
God’s faithfulness
I want to talk about God’s faithfulness today. Recently, I encountered with a lot of trials because of a decision I have made 10 days ago. I have made a decision that I want to do something GREAT for the Lord. I want to go for MISSION, go to the end of the world to tell the world about His GREAT LOVE, how PRECIOUS we’re in His sight and how SPECIAL the Lord had made our identities in Him.
I was worried about my family and I felt so hard to leave my family. I kept focus on my role in my family and ignored God’s role in my family. As I continued to pray and seek for people’ advices, I realized when I focus more to God, my worries gone. I am not running away from the fact that my family needed but I trust the Lord will take care of my mum and by His will, He will send someone to take care of her when I am away for mission. If you ask me “How come you can just believe and move on?”, I will tell you “Because I have seen the love of God to me and how serious He deal with me. He deal with me by sending Jesus to die on the cross for me. My life is purchased by God and when I willing to give my life to Him, He will be responsible to me.”
Flash back to 10.09.2010. That was the day I did my prayer and once again come back to God. 40 days passed. God have done a great thing in me! He changed me from the inside out. The speedy transformation is scary and full with power. I once was asking the Lord, “How can this be? Within few weeks, You have make me a brand new people, give me new heart. Not only I notice my changes, as well as people. Lord, How can this be?” When I thought of it deeper, I realized God planned everything in sequence. First, He affirmed me again and again about His great love in Christ for me. I really meant, AGAIN and AGAIN. EVERYDAY! Slowly, God asked me back to serving His people in His ministries. I was struggling and I said to the Lord, “ I am a failure and people wouldn’t accept me anymore. I have no talent at all, what I can serve You? Give me a vision and guide me through really back to the church and start to serve in Your timing.” But the Lord done marvellous things. He opened my eyes and help me to see more of people’s need rather than my ability. I am back to the ministries that I used to be in, Sound System and LCD. Sooner, the Lord guide me to another ministry, playing keyboard in worship department. I was real amazed by how God led just because of my prayer. In this, I have learned that “The Lord didn’t create us to see our limitations and being sad about it. Instead, He created us to overcome our limitations by relay on Him and come close to Him everyday.”
I used to pray to the Lord said “Although I have nothing to give but my life, I still want to do something great for you.” At 10.10.2010, I visited Hannah. God touched my heart and I am alerted about that and started to pray for vision. Since that day, it is another new chapter in my life. I experienced loneliness that I never had before. I experienced the burning of worries and sorrows. Feeling like the end of the world. I seek for comfort from the Lord. I couldn’t remember how many nights I fall asleep in my prayer with tears. Really hard time for me but the Lord walks with me. This circumstances that I face helps me rely more on God’s guidance and strength.
God is faithful and He never fails me. I believe the rest of my life under His wings, I will be safe :D
2010年10月18日星期一
Kickstart!
I am going to start a bible study tonight, by my own, with the book of James. Well, I never know I will come to such practice and I have no faith in myself that I am no longer a baby in God. It is time for to have some solid spiritual food.
I searched on net about this book, James. What I will be discover in this book is:
- How to live a life of faith
- How to live in God’s blessing
- How to be a doer of the Word
- How to practice true religion
- How to become God’s friend
- How to change your words and change your life
- How to receive the wisdom of God
- How to overcome the flesh, the world, and the Devil
- How to be a diligent seeker
- How to live in the will of God
- How to be a faithful follower of Christ
I have start to expect what God is going to do with my life. I don’t know how dramatically my life will change but I believe God is in charge of my life.
2010年10月13日星期三
Reminder
Trust in Lord.
Believe and rely on the existence of Holy Spirit in my life as my supervisor and counsellor.
Not to depend on my own strength and knowledge but God’s ultimate and super natural love and strength from above.
God will never deal with what you like or dislike but deal with what is necessary and benefit to you. It caused painfulness sometimes but it is a beautiful pain because this replaces you in God’s perfect will and this worth the pain that you have to endure. – RL.
Sometimes the burden should pass the test of time. This is like a process that you getting the diamond out of the stones, moulding a clay pot. In the testing of time, I will stand and grow in God’s love and word. I believe one day when God shows me His Green Light in His timing, I will go out and shine for God.
God has unlimited love and forgiveness and always readied to change me.
I have a significant identity in God. I am not normal in Him. He made me to be special and dare for Him. I am going to be someone Great for God, to influence and to bring the Good News where people’ hearts are weary and crying for a sense of comfort and belonging.
*** GET A NEW MALAY-ENGLISH/CHINSE-ENGLISH BIBLE ***
2010年10月12日星期二
Experiencing God
I experienced God’s presence with me last night. It was so true. It was so real. It was sweeter than I ever imagined and thought of how a relationship with God would be.
A friend of mine that I knew recently, Rolly, told me there is no boredom in relationship with God. When he told me that, I was partially agree with him. For now, I totally agree with him. When I think out of the religious box, when I no longer taking my prayer and bible reading as a routine but something I do naturally and come close to God, God will come close to me and there is no boredom in this relationship.
Spent my afternoon with Winda and Rolly yesterday. Had a really meaningful and influential conversation that changed my life in one night. Not because of what they said but because of what God spoke to me afterward what they have said. Conclusion, God spoke to me through them. I got affirmed by our conversation and I start to realized, I might sin every now and then but I shouldn’t let that tie me up. It is because Jesus had died for me! He died for my past sin, my present sins and my future sins!! How wonder is this grace!! Since I have someone who loved me seriously that He willing to die for me on the cross, mocked, humiliated for a lady like me, how fearfully and greatly is God’s love to me!! And so, why should I be timid and afraid to do what is right in God’s sight?
I am not nobody. I am somebody and I meant so much for God, how much does I meant to God? Look at the cross. That’s how much I meant to Him. I seriously got impacted and affirmed by God who I really am. I am no longer under sins’ authority. I am free from that. I have given power and authority from God, through prayers, I can ask for anything. I have decided, I don’t want to be a normal church member, I don’t want to be just normal for God, just ordinary person that always receive impact from others. I want to be someone who is impacting and influential to others. I want be like that for God because He had made me specially in His sight. Everyone is special to God but it just matters do we realized our identities in God.
I have the calling to go for mission but I am timid and I am scare. I worried about my mum. Who is going to take care of her when she is sick? Who is going to shop for the groceries with her when I am not here? Who is going to help me taking medicine from the hospital? Who is going to pay the bills for the house? Who is……………….. I have too much worries and I gone into dilemma last night. I struggled really hard and wanted to escape from God. I don’t like this discomfort in my heart and my mind. I hate that.
I get on my bed around 10pm and decided to sleep at 11pm but when the time reached, I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t pray because I afraid of God. I afraid He is asking me to leave my comfort zone. Dragging until 1am. I decided to get up and pray and read the Bible. I believe God would comfort and would delay when I really talk to Him and said I am not ready yet. My life is still part of occupied by the Earthly matters. I got up, I don’t know what to pray. I read the notes that I wrote since the first day I did my devotion, 12th September. Every memorized verses bumped into my mind and reminded me God is a lovely Father but not a judge or a cruel King. As I read thru my notes, I am affirmed again how God loved me and how persistent is His love to me. I put down my fear and really pray to God, telling Him every details I felt in my heart for the whole day.
I read on Psalm 139 about how persistent and serious God will deal with me. I am comforted. When I continue to read, I found a chapter that is meant to be my prayer. Psalm 141. A psalm that wrote by David when he is chased by His enemies. I used that as my prayer and I clearly know that the enemy that I am facing now is myself, my earthly desires, my comfort zone. God didn’t answer me at once and I know He wants me to wait and continue to seek more on Him. I talked to Rolly and he told me the same thing, Keep persuade God.
Rolly and Winda have been a blessing to me. Winda is 19 and she already joined Hannah for 8 months. Her courage and faith in God are what I lack of. I should really find out and affirmed by what is my identity in God. Rolly is 34 and I can felt that he had a really close relationship with God as he is able to know about my past, my feeling even my family situation before I tell him anything about that. And the most amazing part is, 10/10/2010 is the 1st month anniversary I came back to God since Life Game. On that day, God allowed me to visit the Hannah Ship and prompted my heart to mission. The next day, God sent Rolly and Winda to reaffirmed me and that time I was started to lazy and being timid in God’s ministry. Can you see how wonderfully God had blessed me? He is not only given me His son, He given me every blessing that I never thought of. I want to be dare and bold for God. I know who I am in God and I won’t be timid anymore in ministries of God. My past and sins can’t hold me back anymore.
Lord, I want to get closer to You each day. I want to know more about You and walk behind following Your lead in every aspects of my life. May you be extol in the throne of my life to be the king and lord of my life. You’re the one who saved me and I give up my life to you as it will be your responsibility now. Everything happen to me, You will be the one to be responsible as I obey your will. As I am offering my life, Lord, may you help me to take off all the worries of my life. Worry about my absence at my family, worry about my future, worry about my mum’s salvation. Lord, all these worries I uphold them to you. May you help me to overcome them day by day. Prepare my heart and the way where you want me to go. Answer me when I call to you for you’re my God. As I come to you because of my own desires that pulled back off from your calling, don’t hide your face from me, strengthen me to overcome it. Lord, you have been good and blessed me by many people. Lord, I want to bless others with your blessings too. May you open my eyes and ears to see and heard things above and beyond what I am having now. Lord, show me your way. This is my prayer. Amen.
2010年10月8日星期五
女性的话题
Topics for lady. :/ I don’t know why I will blog at this hour. I think I just got bored with the topic my classmates are discussing now. We discussed about putting make up, how to make your breasts look smaller (-,-|||), plastic surgery and etc. Yeah, I am a lady or preferable, a woman but I have no interest on those topics. I don’t love to shop for clothes or skirts, I don’t like to put on make up as I think it is not environmental friendly and it might contain lead that will kill me slowly. Well, I am hungry now :(
This post is way too random from my style. Hmmm..I know I should focus on my dichotomous key now and should add water about that but I seriously got so angry at myself as I don’t dare to voice up to him. Anyway, I am a coward after all.
Should lady be dare enough to confess their loves? Should lady focus on how their appearance are instead of how their inner beauties are? Who should be responsible to the showing of lady emphasis on their appearances but not their inner beauties? Could it be men? Could it be ourselves? If it is ourselves, why am I not doing the same thing as the others do? :/
I am seeking for problems for my own :(
2010年10月7日星期四
心态的改变
或许有很多事情，我是应该为自己保守秘密，为自己的私隐锁上密码锁。但是今晚，我真的很难控制自己的感觉。我觉得我需要有一个人来谈谈。我察觉自己对某些事情的心态已经改变。以前，我对某些事情的存在感到兴奋但是仍然可以压抑着。现在，我对某些事情的存在十分的在乎，我很想让他知道我的想法。这种心态的改变让我觉得很陌生。我不明白为什么自己会有这样的感觉，这种不能安分守己，贪得无厌的感觉。我不想因为我影响到他。我现在应该做些什么?我知道我喜欢一个人，并没有错，因为在生命的路上你会遇见很多可爱和美丽的人。但是，在一个不适合的时间喜欢了一个人并且我越来越不能再这份感觉当中安分守己时，我应该做些什么？我已经向上帝说出我心里的话，我不知道他何时会回应我但是我相信他会带领并教导我。
心态的改变，让我觉得很陌生，让我不能入睡。我苦问上帝我能做些什么，发现是时候睡觉了 :P
**我再次在这件事上看见我的弱点。我要求上帝帮助我overcome我的弱点。虽知弱点并不能一朝一夕就能完全overcome，只要我愿意依靠上帝，他必看顾我并帮助我因为他是信实的上帝：）
ATM卡
“ATM卡”有着褒贬的意思。褒意就是你的父母亲给予你一张ATM/DEBIT卡，给你任用。贬义就是父母亲对你说：你用太多了，我要剪（卡，广东话）了你的ATM/DEBIT卡！这样，到底现在社会当中，褒义的ATM卡事件和贬义的ATM卡事件，那个发生的机率比较高呢？答案在你们的心中。我相信，现在的社会出现越来越多的“卡奴”，年纪轻轻已经拥有数张的CREDIT卡，先用未来钱的情况越来越严重。有这样事情的发生，全因一个字—“贪”。现在的年轻人钟情于一些不停改变的东西，例如：追明星，发明星梦，追赶潮流，追求更新款的相机，手机，电脑等等。我不否认我自己都是年轻人，都有追求着一些的东西但是我可以很肯定，我追求的东西并不虚幻多变的，而是永恒的。我追求的是我和耶稣基督的关系，因为他是唯一一个会和我一起度过我生命中的大风浪，和我一起欢欣我的成功，犯错时，提点我帮助我改过的神。他甚至说过，天堂地狱将要消失，唯有我的话语使永远长存的。我追求的是我家庭的和谐，因为无论发生什么事，到最后支持我的人，永远都会是我的家人而不是我的偶像。
很多人看到这里会觉得我是一个很老土的人。其实，我从不觉得我自己是一个很“IN” 的人因为我只不过是想做一个平凡人，一个给神在各方面去使用来祝福世界的人。我不想永远受人影响，永远追在不会给我任何安慰，任何支持的事物。
首先，我在感谢上帝他把我塑造为一个值得我妈来信任我的女儿。身为家中的独女加上成绩也不错，在其他人的思想当中，我妈一定很疼我，我在家一定是要风得风，要雨得雨的刁蛮女儿。其实事实并不是如此。我妈从来不会去干涉我的读书的事情，也不会在我考到好成绩时给予一些很好的奖励等等。他也不会去干涉我交了一些什么的朋友，只是偶尔问问谁会在我出去和几点回家啊？他给我绝对的自由如何分配我自己的时间，做些什么事，出去玩多久，几点睡，功课做了没，头晕发烧自己处理等。在别人眼中会觉得“Jacklyn，你妈很信任你！我都希望我妈会如此相信我。”但是我从来不觉得我妈信任我。他从不干涉我的事是因为他要学会如何独立的生活，如何去为自己所做的每一件的后果付上应有的代价和她要我明白，自己可以应付的事，不要假手于人。例如功课，是我应该做的事因为我是一个学生，头晕发烧，自己找药或者看医生。总有一天，我妈是会离开我归到尘土当中。
我觉得我妈不信任我是因为他会一直控制我用钱的限度。以前当我爸过世和我妈随后中风无法工作之后，家里的经济一下就垮了。当时我真的很怕因为我妈告诉我我可能不能把我的小学念完。那时我才7-8岁，不念书，我能做些什么？不过感谢神，经济低迷的情况只在我家待了3年，我十一岁时，我妈就开始了他的投资生意，收入也算稳定。我相信当时他会有这个生意是因为我信主了。上帝因着我而祝福了我的家庭。现在，上帝更大大的祝福了我妈因为他已经退休了但是每个月还是有足够我们用的收入。可能是因着曾经经历过经济低迷，我会有一个心理的反应就是，我看见我要的东西，我就很想买，很想拥有它。而我通常看上的不是衣服也不是裤子更不是裙子，我看上的往往是一本书，一部戏，一张CD或者是一些高科技的东西：电脑，PSP等。最要命的是，我常常都希望我的钱包永远都是满的。我不会因为钱和我妈吵但是我会埋怨。
今年年头，我妈和我开了一个联名的户口但是基于我还未十八岁不能签名，我还不能在那个户口做任何的更动。今天，我收到了我妈送我迟来的礼物。他让我在那个联名户口上加上了我的独特的签名，让我能够独立的在户口上做些更动。我曾经一度担心我妈会把钱给我姨姨（难听一些，是被我姨姨抢了，因为到现在为止我还是不明白为什么16年没有接触的她会回来找我们。）更令我觉得我妈已经很信任我的是，他为我们的户口申请了ATM/DEBIT卡，持卡人是我！当我妈问我要不要的时候，我突然发现，我十分要钱的心理已经不在了，我觉得很害怕，我不知道我自制的能力到那个程度。我发现，每个星期RM50其实是够我用而且只要我愿意节省，我每个星期可以有RM30剩下来买我的日常用品。我感谢我妈对我的信任，同时，我还是觉得我妈对我用钱的限度苛刻是对我学会自制最好的训练。
ATM卡的褒义已经发生了在我身上，希望它的贬义不会发生在我身上啦 :P
今天是我觉得最开心的一天。虽然周身骨痛，但是今天发生的一切让我觉得，我真的长大了！我得到了我妈的信任重于任何的钱财所能够满足我的！所以，接下来我追求的就只剩下我家庭的和谐+我和耶稣基督的关系 ：）
2010年10月6日星期三
18岁的我终于了解了
同一个人谈恋爱并不代表你真的中意他。或者，只是因为你看见其他人有情人，你都想有一个，又或者，你看见他有女朋友，你不抵得所以去抢人家的男朋友。谈恋爱的心态很重要。你要真的去中意一个人，才去和他谈恋爱，同时也要尊重他。有时男人的心态很奇怪。明明知道这个女仔好有问题，换男朋友快过她换衫但是偏偏要放弃自己已经拥有并对自己十分好的一棵树，粘上这个问题女仔。
大家清醒些，好吗？有好也但是你偏偏看不见。世界说:“男人不坏，女人不爱；女人不*，男人不爱。”点解啊啊啊啊啊？？？ 如果男人女人不坏又不*，就代表将来的日子没有快乐和“性”福吗？（请原谅我过分的直接。）或者不要讲的太长远，不坏又不*，带出街会被人笑乜？他坏定她*，都只不过是当你们单独相处时，先会展露出来的又无其他人在场，点解不选对自己好的那棵树呢？？？！！！点解大家还是要找坏男人同*女人？我真是想不通。
以上两端并不代表本人亲身经历，只不过是看见社会的有感而发的言论。请不要误会 :P
有时听下朋友讲其他人的事，真是会发现，世界变了！现在中学生时期的学生都已经学会如何去抢人家的男朋友。我个人不认识他们所讨论的人，但是我认同现在有很多类似的事情发生。抢人男/女朋友的事情。而且还是发生在中四学生的身上。我前两三天在FB看见我在女中的学妹放话说她会和她抢男朋友的人拼命！这样的话既然出自一个只有16岁的女生。有些恐怖。我自己16岁时都曾经一度跌落爱情的深洞，喜欢了一个基本上是因为寂寞而看上他的人，当时他有女朋友也是一个因女朋友对他不忠，他也要对女朋友不忠的人。我们并没有正式谈恋爱只是有很多的暧昧。那件事后，我和自己说，我宁愿找一个适合我但是不风流，不口花花，不是很会哄我的男人。不过，过去的都已经过去了，真的很不应该时常想起他。
到现在为止，我从没正式谈过恋爱。拖手祈祷就拖得多，暗恋也是无数次 :P 但是无一成事。我猜那是因为当时我并不知道我需要些什么，也不知道自己有些什么可爱之处。现在，我仍然在找寻着我需要一个怎样的人和我自己有什么是值得我自己去欣赏我自己。同时，我个人也觉得，喜欢一个人不是错，也不是罪，甚至我会因为我喜欢一个人而当他是我正面学习的对象。但是如果因为我喜欢某某人而做出了一些令我们两个都蒙羞的事情，那就是罪。另外一方面，我也令我喜欢的人蒙羞和犯罪了，上帝必因他的罪来审判我。过去，我曾经做过很多令我喜欢的人觉得很难受的事但是我愿意放下过去，无论在过去我曾经有多开心。如果是因犯罪而得到的快乐，我宁愿不要，我选择与神同行。现在，我喜欢的人在远方...分开我们的是一片海洋。不算的是牵肠挂肚，只是偶尔会很很很很很很想念他而我可以做的事，唯有时时为他祷告，求神保守他的平安和继续有力量去更加追求神。所以我猜我应该没有令他犯罪吧？
18岁的我，终于了解圣经说世界将会败坏，是真的！耶稣基督会再来，是真的！传福音的工作会更难，也是真的！！所以，我也会更努力去传福音给我身边的每一个人，为耶稣基督的再来做好准备。同时我重新被提醒，男人，找适合自己的，疼自己的，就好了。管他是谁谁谁的男朋友，管他的女朋友多么的不配，管他我有妒忌他人的幸福（我觉得如果因为妒忌他人幸福并想要夺取他，是一种心理健康的问题！）。抢来的东西永远都不会是真正属于你的。上帝为他的子民每人都准备了一个心爱的人，为什么我们要去抢人家的呢？等待遇见上帝为我们准备的那一位，是需要很长的时间。你愿意等待并在等待的期间在上帝当中领悟他对你永远不变的爱，在将来用他的爱来爱你的爱人，一起走完人生路？还是你不愿意等待并以自己的情欲行事伸手破坏他人的幸福，最终走上身心破碎和灭亡之路？这个决定很重要，它都已经在你手中。
我坚信，上帝准备一切都是好的。我们不需要去妒忌他人因为我们有上帝为我们的供应者，他说供应的是超乎你我所求和所想的。不相信我？来认识上帝并在他话语当中成长，你就是知道我所说的是假的，因为上帝的好是无法以言语来描述的，你需要亲身经历他的同在和信实 ：）
2010年10月4日星期一
Worship Song: Breathe – Michael W Smith
Loved Michael W Smith’s clear vocal. Furthermore, I love the song that He is presenting to God – Breathe. May my every breathe would be a blessing and glorifying God. May my thirst to know God more just as how I need air to breathe. May my life will be pleasing and delightful to God’s sight and a good testimonial to the world! Amen!
This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me
This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me
And I I'm desperate for you
And I I'm I'm lost without you
This song really touched me when I was having mood swing just now. I was talking to a friend but I really feel bad to get close to him. I don’t know why. I guess, it is because of regret or scare of something else. I admit I used be really dependant on this friend but now, I am trying to treat everyone the same. I knew clearly that it is not time for me to think about relationship which is more than friendship. He was having mood swing suddenly, just now. I guess it was caused by my word. I talked too much. Got too excited over everything :s
I really need more of God’s word to cultivating my mind so that it will be renewed and transforming each day and teach me how build up relationship with others. Just like this song, God is with me all the time, He watched over me. He knew every thoughts and feeling of mine. And for sure, I am lost and nothing without Him. I really desperate for the Lord now. I desperate for the Lord because I feel like there is something wrong with my spiritual life. Prayer every morning seem to be a habit to me. Prayer seem to be a prayer for me wherever I go, whenever it is, whatever I do. My heart just keep praying and having linkage with the Lord through praying. Is there something wrong? I thought building relationship with God takes a long time and discipline. Is it too fast for me to develop into such way? Did I hold on any wrong teachings?
I am confused. Lord, teach me your way and may You works within people’s heart so that they will come close to you.
Dark Chocolate Rush
Today is truly a weird day! I got dizziness for the second time of my life!! It was so horrible!! Was having nap and awaken around 5pm. Felt really dizzy when I sit up from my bed. The first time came to my mind is, low sugar level in blood, skipped lunch. Last meal was 5.45am! 12 hours no meal intake and I am having my bestie here. Well, it is my fault for not taking regular meals in this important time.
The first thing I did, ate my cereal. I thought it would help. In fact, it didn’t. My hand still shaky and my vision is blur. Second thing, I searched for my chocolate storage in my fridge and surprisingly found out, I bought DARK CHOCOLATE but not MILK CHOCOLATE. I really got (-,-|||) Dark chocolate isn’t sweet at all, it still tastes sweet but not as sweet as milk chocolate and it doesn’t work as glucose booster for low sugar level. I took like 9 square pieces and 500ml water and rush for my bath.
Pray to God consistently as I really afraid I would faint and that would be a big problem to me and my mum. Thank God I am okay now. I am still able to go out to buy dinner for me and my mum and update my blog now. I have learnt many lessons from this incident.
- Pray to God first when anything happen but not after I did something with my own strength
- Have regular meals – especially in this important period
- Always check my chocolate storage both dark and milk chocolates.
- Be aware of my glucose level.
- Fat people will get weary as well, got dizziness and puke like those skinny person xD
Anyway, I gave thanks to the Lord for I am safe and sound now. Would continue to pray as tomorrow I have whole day field work awaiting for me!
2010年10月2日星期六
One Step One Footprint
It has been 2 weeks I didn’t update myself on my blog. Looking back to these 14 days, I realized I have blessing to count on each day. God is faithful and He never fails me when I am weak and weary. After trembled for countless time, I really afraid that I would trembled again after 2-3 weeks. It seems like I have overlook God’s strength and His faithfulness to me. I always believe practice make perfect and now I believe too, when I really willing to withdraw from my life driving centre and extol God to be the King of my life, it will become a habit too.
Every spiritually practice takes time and patience and humbleness to come close to God to be accomplish. When God is with me, what else do I afraid of? What else can separate me from Him? For it is written in Romans 8:38-39 “ For I convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor future, nor any power, neither depth nor height, nor any creation of this world able to separate us from the Love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” What a affirmative message from God! I do admit we are facing spiritual warfare everyday, even now, when I am writing on blog, Satan is still watching over me, seeking for the timing where I started to sinned against God.
I read back my previous post on 18th September. I saw how I struggled as God wants me to make right with people and every wrongs I have done. I thought it would be really hard, people would reject me, people would mock on me and bla bla bla. Things weren’t going that way and everything were gone smoothly with God’s guidance and blessings. I am building back my relationship with people around me. Not in a way that I have to please them but to keep them in my prayer and continue to spend time with them. I know I can’t please everyone but God. Sometimes, I even failed to please God (In my own thought, I think that way, sometimes.) I still sinned even I walk with God. I still get really emotional even I walk with God. I still say harsh words even I walk with God. However, I do see the frequency is going down and down. Now I understand what Amos meant by “Sin less by uphold everything to God.” When I am serious to God, God is serious with me too. When I seriously uphold my life to Him everyday, keep this cycle repeat and repeating, I saw changes in my life and different perspectives I have on things that I always see.
I still encounter failure today but I am not eating alive by regret. I failed today, I prayed to God, asked for forgiveness and wisdom and guidance to try again tomorrow. Many people would think Christian never fail or Christian never sin once they are with God. I used to think that way but I realized God’s standard is much too high for me to achieve. Only by the grace of God, I can be accepted by Him. I am saved by His Grace but not my good deeds. One thing I realized changed in my life is, I am getting “round” when I am communicate with others and I would put people first in everything I have. That’s a good thing to me and I am going to glorify God with this. Before this, I never talk to my friends about my faith in Christ, I never tell them event in my church, I never voice up to Christian when I see them sinning publicly. I was a coward, conclusion. Now, I will go and tell my friends about how God blessed me even I am a prodigy daughter, introducing them events in church and invite them to come, talk to those I saw they are hurting privately to comfort and affirm them (if they are Christian) and pray for them (if they are non Christian and would follow up with Gospel sharing). I really see changes in my life, a BIG change!
Doing things step by step is better to rush all in with my own timing but not God.
I have made a new friend too. We actually knew each other but I never really reveal to him who I am. Last night, we really talked about that and yeah, I confessed to him and now, he is another new friend in my msn :) He is nice guy though (I am not writing this because I know you’re reading but because that’s a truth :P) and really kind man. Should call him man because he is elder than for some years. Hope God really works in his life whereby he can really find something that he wanted to seek for – his life purpose.
The psalmist said in Psalm 89:2 “ I know that your love last for all time, that your faithfulness as permanent as the sky.” With this assurance, even though the sky changed to be grey or dark or your life is in a huge storm now but bear in mind, God’s faithfulness still remain :)
2010年9月18日星期六
Restart my life in the LORD
For many years ago, I was a teen who had passion in God and really loves God. Involved in serving. However, facing problem everywhere I go. Never wanted to find out the source and never wanted to be humble.
As time goes by, my life corrupted by many earthly things such as relationship with family, with a guy, with friends, money, love, desires, ambitious to be a psychology, chasing after what people expected on me and I started to move away from God because of world’s temptations.
I remember I came to Christ when I was 11 and how I have enjoyed the love of God and experienced Him in my life. For some reason, I am still wandered away from God for many times. I guess this time would be the longest time and most hidden one. I have been stop building relationship with God around 2-3 years ago. I didn’t read my bible, I didn’t pray, I rely on myself more than God, whom I should rely on, I still attend church, I still serve in different ministries, my relationship with people goes bad but I don’t care! What I do care was “As long as I do what I think is right and I will only turn away when I think I am wrong. My life is in my hand.” So, that was what playing in my mind when I was away from God.
There were reasons for I have such thought. I have came to really close with a guy when I was 15. I thought he would be the love of my life. He was a nice person and his personality makes him shine. However, he is an atheist. The values and lessons that he taught me are from the World but not God. Since I think I didn’t have anyone else beside him to talk to, to please him and to keep him with me, I accept everything he said. At last, when I was 16, our relationship cracked and when I was 17, we officially didn’t talk anymore.
Anyway, that passed away. The most important thing now is make right with God, make right with every wrongs I have done and make right with people around me. I know “sorry” isn’t enough to make right the relationship between 2 persons. But I know action speaks louder than words. I believe God will change my life if I am willing to humble myself. And guess what, I learnt that God never give up on me. When I was counting my blessings, I realized no matter what I have done, although men rejected me, God never! He loves me so much and the psalmist said “I know your love will last for all time, that your faithfulness as permanent as the sky.” (Psalm 89:2) Although the sky might change its colour once a while, that never change the fact that it is the sky, just as the faithfulness of God.
I have started my devotion for 4 days, today will be the 5th day. I know it takes time and persistent to build up relationship. I am not worry I will stop building relationship with God because God is here. Just God is really amazing as for everyday’s devotion, He seem to be like affirming me and telling me that He never stop loving me and nothing could stop Him from loving me. How great is that!! To start my baby step in September 2010, I have some planning here:
- Memorize at least 2 verses everyday.
- 1 chapter of Bible Reading daily
- Pray every morning once I have my conscience that I am awake. Uphold my fresh and desire to the LORD and ask His Holy Spirit to fill and walk with me for the entire day.
- Respect the one (Jesus Christ) who lives inside of me. Every word I said, everything I have done, every thought I have, I shall let them be glorify to God and accountable to God.
- Pray for myself, family, church and friends.
- Pray to look important into God’s matter rather than my own desires or needs.
- Serve and submit to one another because who God is but not because who that person is (What a big lesson to learn!)
- I don’t know, let’s pray and find out!
And yeah, a word outside this title.
I realized small group can be fun too although we have really big age gaps! I wanna follow what a brother told me before he left “Don’t join a small group because of the sake you need to a small group because of …..” I was in Adventure but the group leader told me they have some problem within the group and they need to fix it first. So, I am out of it. And then, I am welcomed back to my original small group. I don’t know what to do but just do and follow what’s the LORD wants. I just need to work harder now. Alternating between small group and tutorial class. May the LORD gives me strength to be perseverance in doing what is pleasing in His sight.
2010年9月15日星期三
Prayer
Lord, may You teach me the way to please the Holy Spirit but not my needs. May You teach me to pray when I do not know how to pray. May You help me to focus on You rather than the man that I admire. May You clean me from my sins and renew my mind each day. May Your name be glorified with every word I speak, every thought I have, every beat of my heart. May You continue to bless those who used to hurt me when I was young. May You bless and keep the guy that I admire with Your supernatural grace and mercy. Direct his path as he comes near to You. May You protect my heart and mind and remain pure until the day I met my life partner. Amen.
Every good and perfect is from above, coming down from the Father who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
Lord, thank you for being faithful :)
2010年9月13日星期一
12th September 2010
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
Thank you Father for reaffirm me that He is a CONSISTENT Father. He is reliable and responsible. He is worth of my trust :)
2010年9月12日星期日
Life Game? Real Life?
Howdy :) I am back from Life Game Camp! This afternoon around 4.30pm! Serving as helper in Life Game is fun and impacting lives! God impacted campers’ lives as well as my life. Although these few days I felt so tired because sleep really late and wake up really early. However, it worth of everything when I saw there are campers kneel down to pray to God for committing their lives and full time serving.
I did those decisions too. It were so hard for me but God just helped me to do that. In Life Game, I prayed. In real life, I need to do something. Prayer without action is death. That’s true. I experienced that. I keep praying I would get a good result but I never go and study. Will that make anything come true? No, right? I have dragged for 7 years and I don’t want to drag anymore. I must do something this year, today, right now!
I have the passion back once again. The fire in my heart that consuming to bright up the path of others! I will keep on praying as well as seek for advice about how should I prepare myself and my mum about the decision that I have made. Since I really don’t wish I am going to fight with my mum because of religious matter and I am not ready to be kicked out from the house. I know I should put God and I will pray for this until the right timing then I will tell my mum about that. I still have 1 year time. So, no worries but pray :)
I realized I have grow a bit in this camp. Most of the campers said I am a good actor to being a bad and fierce person. –,- I really want to apologized about that. I am not doing that purposely. I did nothing. I just didn’t smile. I am not angry or annoying or anything. It is just I am neutral and I am serious with the task I am assigned. So, really sorry to those people who misunderstood that I was angry or I have released my anger to you. I just want to say this is the me when I am working. Serious and no smile at all. A typical melancholic. Cool blooded and strict. A typical Mel-Co :)
Hang out with Lifeteam with just now. I didn’t talk much but listen to Amos and others conversation for most of the time. I prefer to be alone for most of the time but I admit I do need friends as well. So, I am trying to mix around with others even though I know I am not good in socializing with others. I don’t know what’s wrong with me >.< I heard Elbert and Amos conversation about youth ministry. I gained some insight about what youth ministry is and how to train up youth. Not all but partially.
Although Life Game has ended here, I believe God’s still working as usual. His holy spirit move among all His people and working in each other hearts. May the Lord continue to bless and guard all the campers and lifeteam continue to grow stronger in His word. May the Lord also help them to see things from His angle and able to reach out a helpful hand to others who are in need.
Cheer for what God has done! He is the only one who worth of all the praises and claps :) Good night everyone! Real life is on! Be aware of what is right and what is wrong, what is true and what is false, what is pleasing God and what is not, what is meaningful and what is not. Every decision in life is a spiritual decision.
<Wow! I never know I can write such thing! Reading Bible is cool!! >
2010年9月6日星期一
Examining my heart
Tomorrow will be the day I leave my home for 5 days to BCCM to serve as a volunteer in the coming Life Game. It is time for me to examine my heart. What is the purpose I called Amos that night to offer myself to help? What I should prepare myself for? I wasn’t used to this but I know I have to do this. To make sure the direction of my heart.
I have joined recovery course for 4 weeks if I am not mistaken. For the first 2 weeks, it was hurt!!! Really really hurt! Everything just flashed out like a unstoppable video clip and keep repeating. Slowly, thru prayer, thru putting my trust to God that he is the only one who can provide me the feeling of accepting, giving me values and feeling of belongings. For now, whenever anything happen that’s going to make me feel bad, the first thing I do is I prayed to God. I reaffirm myself that God is the only one provider of my need but not others. That makes me building more faith in God.
I believe God planned everything in my life and that’s purpose for every decision that God allowed them to happen in my life. I used to believe in this so much when I was a young Christian and as year goes by, my faith to God become a habit but not a practice. It took me to keep praying and praying again and again to have this faith back. Instead of just praying, I want to serve as well. I want to apply what Pastor Amos had preached today. SERVE SERVE SERVE! even to those who hurt me before, who disappointed me.
Something great happened after the sermon is Andreas talked back to me ;) We discuss about the audition for the musician intake by music department. I am glad that we talked again and this is good starting. Thank God for that!
I will serve and cooperate with the Life Impact Team as well as love my neighbour as myself ;)
Good night everyone!
我还很好 =)
在网上看见他。原来鸟人说中了。他真的已经名草有主了。当时心真的好像痛了一下但是我知道那并不代表我没有价值了。我相信我会遇到更好的男生。
或许一切神已经安排好了，安排好了我要怎样去度过我的假期，一个有他的假期。我星期二就会进 BCCM 的 Life Game Camp 当自愿助手。星期二下午2时到星期六午餐时间。神似乎已经知道要发生的事情。让我好好地忙几天，重新在生命寻找神的存在。
明天就要开始收拾衣服了。我不知道我是否能够收拾足够的衣服但是，也的试试，对吧？
我今天捐血了。很开心，因为很有意义和身体真正得到了休息。最近一直睡不好，捐血后竟然能睡3个小时，无梦零打扰，真的很舒服。
我知道我现在应该伤心的但是心态和以前的不同了因为我不再在人的身上找寻我要的接纳，价值和归属感。我知道我要的，只有神可以给我。所以心情没有太大的起伏。我在这里要祝福他们还有感谢陪我度过刚才那段时间的忆桦，我答应神和自己我要好好过。
不要担心，我还好好的。大家晚安 :)
2010年9月4日星期六
Holiday day 1
Today would be this first day of my Raya Holiday. I kind of hating my holiday now. Something unpleasant just happened last night and this holiday is going to make my mind developing on its will. I am trying not to let that happen so I am looking for games to play, homework to do and blog. I believe I will blog more recently.
I got reply from YH last night but apparently he denied he remember me and said he doesn’t remember me. Well, I am sad but not too much. It is just 4 days matter. I have to be rational. I was expecting some outing today but appeared to be I am lazy to move myself out of the room.
I played some games on facebook today and it was boring. All of these are gambling. I am weak on that. So, I gave up playing those games. Searching some songs on KG and that makes me miss YH even more. He told me he is using the same model laptop as I do and using same software as I do. Am I being emotional now? How should I dealing with this feeling? I don’t want to deny it because this is the way how God created me but I have no idea how should I deal with it.
Found some nice songs and my favourite is 你不知道的事—王力宏 :) besides that, 三个字—凌加峻 which is a cantonese song. I realized I have special favourite toward Hong Kong. Everything from Hong Kong. I like their songs, their movies and even when I was young, I dedicated to get marry with Hong Kong guy. Weird, right? Anyway, that was when I was young.
Now, I just wish to find someone who is suitable for me but not one who is funky and good looking. I need someone who is able to show loyalty to our relationship and having the same vision. I wish I can find one soon.
Have a conversation with my classmonitor. He was kind of hmmm…he sort of know who is the guy I like but I think he misunderstood. I used to think he likes me since his friend told me once but I think it is impossible since there are big differences on our body sizes. He is thin and tall while I am round and tall. Not match at all. However, he is a good friend to talk even though sometimes he will bump out something ridiculous that you will be ==||. Overall, am happy to work with him this year and hopefully next year as well.
Hmmm…I am empty minded now. So, I’ll stop here until I got something new to write =)
2010年9月3日星期五
Text message
I have reloaded my phone.
I have sent out a message saying who am I and when we met.
My heart and hands didn’t beat faster or sweat when I press “Send”
Now,
I am too afraid to see my phone.
I left it outside my room.
Put into silent mode.
Yet,
I worry he will replying and I didn’t read it.
I want to know whether he got reply or not but I afraid the feeling of disappointed when I see nothing.
YH, please reply me =’)
Confessing
Should I do that? How to do that? I only know his name but nothing. Purposely spoil the laptop and ask him to fix it? That’s too cruel for my new lappy.
Ahhhhhh…help me! Anyone know what should I do now? I really miss him! His smile, the way he talks, the way he became so special to me.
Can anyone tell whether is he feeling the same way as I do?
YH, are you feeling the way I felt?
2010年9月2日星期四
Blood Donation
At this coming Sunday (5th September) my church (Sandakan Baptist Church) organized a blood donation event, 10am until 1pm. All are welcomed to join and help to fulfil the lack of blood in blood bank during this fasting season for the Muslims.
Do come and give us support =)
I am going to donate blood as well, for the very first time. I don’t know whether it will be painful or not but something for sure is, I have enough blood to donate. I have blood that more than I enough =D
**********************************************************
I got my new laptop today, Acer Aspire 4741z. I met a nice looking guy as well who is the sale executive named YH. He is the one who serve me when I went to the shop. He is a head taller than me, has a baby face, sunny smile, a little bit baby fat (I am fatter than him, I know xP) and I felt comfortable when I am with him =)
I guess, I will meet him again. I can’t kick him out of my mind now. Hahahahaha..is this the feeling that one experienced when she is attracted by another guy? Hmmm..I have no experience this for 2 years and today, I have it again =)
;) I need to talk to Siew Yee now..she might be able to help to link me with YH. Hahaha..I love life! Anita’s mum is right! The most amazing thing in life is LIFE!
2010年8月30日星期一
成长
我个人认为，相片能够记载一个人成长的过程。当我重复地看回自己以前的照片时，我发觉自己的样子并没有太大的改变，还是那样的圆但是不同的是，心態不同了。
闊別8個月，大家都已經進入了生命的另一個階段。曾經十分友好的五個人，現在變成了四個。看着大家都成長了，心中不僅有一種感慨。米雪工作了，成為了一位幼稚園老師，還是那樣的圓，還是時常被我欺負。憶雯進學院了，現在拿着Foundation in Science，我十分看好他因為他是我們當中成績最好的一個也算是追求夢想最成功的一位。我和必媚都進了大學先修班，在學校必媚都有了自己的朋友。至于我呢，我還是比較喜歡“君子之交淡如水”的方式與人相處所以要好的朋友一個也沒有，普通的朋友和小人卻處處都是。呵呵呵呵…但是我還是很喜歡回去上課。我在康復課程里學會我的價值是從神那里來而不是人所能滿足的。現在，只要做好自己的本份就好了 =)
附上照片數張:
雖然容貌上沒有太多的改變但是我相信大家的思想的成熟度都應該有大大地提升，處世的態度都越來越看的開。看見照片中的自己，發現自己成長了不少。我學會了欣賞自己，學會了有更寬大的心胸去看待每一間事，學會了顧及自己的情緒等等。很開心自己成長了。或者還有一部分的我還未成長過，仍然停留在一樣的階段。我依然無法放下我應該放下的人。我早知道我們不會有結果但是依然死命抓緊他。我曾經了解過點解我會這樣，我也試過要放手但是到今天為止我依然很執着。即使我們已經很久沒有再聯絡了但是有時經不起想念的折磨還是會看看我們之前的聊天記錄，想從那里得到一些些的安慰和鼓勵。他，對我曾經很重要但是那是曾經。我希望我可以，我能夠漸漸忘記他，打開心中的鎖去接受其他人。
康泰旅行團的事曾經令我為他憂心。雖然我知道他一定會叫我不用擔心他但是多多少少都會擔心他。只要那件事和他的國家和他所在的地方有關系，我就會十分緊張雖然我知道他永遠都不會知道我在為他擔心。看見他在FB的update, “Sweetness I don’t deserve, bitterness I can swallon”我不知道點解他會有這樣的感想但是我相信他會沒事的。
“喂，傻妹依然記得你講過得話！要活得開心，覺得對就做直到我發覺是錯的時候才改。我一直都有記住照做，我也生活地好開心。我同時都開始在上生命康復課程，雖然我不愿意面對我的過去但是要好返就要這樣。不如你的傻妹都做得到的事，你，一定做得到！=)
2010年8月24日星期二
Sad news
I believe most of us read the news about a group of Hong Kong people got killed in Philippians where this group of people should enjoy and have a good holiday over there.
This news make to start to think of a lot of questions that I never concern with. What’s the purpose for that guy to do so and killing those Hong Kong travelers? Where is the unity? What the world is going on now? Where is the religion stand when that was happening? This group of people got killed because of one’s revengeful thought and attitudes that planned or caused by others who used to hurt him or whatsoever, I don’t know.
To me, this is really a sad news even though I know everyday there are people dying. This is just not a simple killing incident but something going to affect the diplomatic relationship between Philippians and Hong Kong. These two countries are having different cultures, different races, education standard(maybe), government system, and even the way they lives. I hope and pray that there will not be any persecution toward Philippians that work in Hong Kong and no more killing incident happened in Philippians toward Hong Kong people or other countries’. For now, both countries’ leaders should have wisdom and patient to deal with the matter and ensure the peaceful relationship between them continues.
If this is not settle in a right way, war might happens, persecution might happen, the same case might happens again.
What the world is going on now? Why suddenly this guy will attack that bunch of Hong Kong people? Can Hong Kong people stop blaming and be wise in this matter? It is okay to be angry but have to rational as well. Killing this guy doesn’t fix the thing. Put aside the nationality, we are all human being. No one has the right to take away others’ lives. He had done the wrong things, he should be punished but not be killed. At the same time, if we can’t be rational and want to put him to death as a punishment of killing those people, what is the difference between us and that guy? We are having the same psychological abnormality in this matter like him when he was doing that.
So, forgive and keep in mind to sharpen the security of Philippians and the awareness of travelers as they stepped out from their countries.
2010年8月21日星期六
星期六
转眼间，今天已经是星期六了。时间过得好快，让我来不及把回忆收好作为纪念，快的让我措手不及… … 心情越来越沉重，快讓我喘不過氣來。心情的沉重不是沒有原因，只是自己一直執着想回想這整個星期發生的事情。這整個星期我過得不快樂，回憶的大浪不斷地在向我沖來，以前有意識避開去想的事情不斷地來接近我。有幾次都哭了出來，我到底何時才能擺脫這一切？
現在的果是以前種下的因。如果我以前沒有時常逼自己逃避，把不開心的事以掩蓋的方式埋在心里最深處，我今天就不會有失憶的事情發生。我不知道為什么我會記不起這整個星期的事，我很亂，我不知道我該向誰說，這一切的發生只能怪我自己離開了上帝的道，行在欲念的懲罰。到底有誰能告訴我，我怎么了？為什么我會變了這個樣子？我真的徹底的破碎了嗎？我希望得到醫治，得到重整！我還能堅持多久呢？
我對自己失憶的狀態感到害怕。我怕那一天我又會再忘記什么的。如果我現在可以看見里面的自己，我想對他說，對不起。我從一開始就不應該逼你逃避問題，不應該有什么問題就閉上眼睛，把問題當成包裹，在心里挖個洞，把包裹丟進去埋上就以為問題就會解決了。我把苦毒都埋自己的心里，讓你受苦了。現在這已變成了我的習慣。有什么不如意的事情，問題就會立刻被埋在心里，已經不再需要我的控制了。是我害了我自己，我不應該這樣做。我知道生命不能重來，所以我答應你，不會再這樣做了。我答應你，不論多難過，我也不會再不負責任把問題丟給你，逃避問題。
我知道我現在哭過后，睡醒了，問題還在，我也承認自己有很多未能解決的問題和已經是破碎的人。我不是在貶低自己而是只有這樣我才饑渴地得到醫治，只有這樣，我才會在神里得到醫治，重新在他那里成長茁壯。耶穌，我仍然記得你讓我看見的異像，你手中的種子，蔚藍的天空，青色的草地，一棵茁壯茂盛的大樹。你告訴過我，在你里面，我有一天也能像那棵大樹一樣，茁壯茂盛結屬于你的果子。我依然相信。我不知道我還能堅持多久但是我會一直相信你曾讓我親眼看見的東西 =’)
2010年8月18日星期三
救我！
承受不了了…救救我吧！賜予我力量和慈悲的心去原諒他們。
神，我需要你在我每一天的道路來帶領我。
尤其是這幾個星期，
以前的回憶如潮水似的沖擊我時，
求你幫助我誠實面對自己的問題，
誠實面對自己的情感，
勇敢地把他們寫出來。
求你帶我走出惡夢，
以你的真理作為我束腰的帶子，
以你的公義作為我遮胸的護心鏡，
以你的平安的福音作為我腳上的鞋子，
以你的信實作為我的盾牌，
以你的救恩作為我的頭盔，
以你的圣靈作為我的寶劍，
把一切阻止我回到神身邊的惡者趕走，
我要靠着圣靈和你賜予我的方言禱告祈求。
我知道我靠着神必不會有失，
我必然得勝！
求你繼續幫助我為你寫下我過去的怨恨，悔恨，傷害，苦毒
因為他們不屬于你的子民。
求你幫助我為你寫下我饒恕自己，饒恕別人，
接受自己和別人的
第一頁。
神，我需要你在我每一天的道路來帶領我。
尤其是這幾個星期，
以前的回憶如潮水似的沖擊我時，
求你幫助我誠實面對自己的問題，
誠實面對自己的情感，
勇敢地把他們寫出來。
求你帶我走出惡夢，
以你的真理作為我束腰的帶子，
以你的公義作為我遮胸的護心鏡，
以你的平安的福音作為我腳上的鞋子，
以你的信實作為我的盾牌，
以你的救恩作為我的頭盔，
以你的圣靈作為我的寶劍，
把一切阻止我回到神身邊的惡者趕走，
我要靠着圣靈和你賜予我的方言禱告祈求。
我知道我靠着神必不會有失，
我必然得勝！
求你繼續幫助我為你寫下我過去的怨恨，悔恨，傷害，苦毒
因為他們不屬于你的子民。
求你幫助我為你寫下我饒恕自己，饒恕別人，
接受自己和別人的
第一頁。
2010年8月16日星期一
康复课程 week 1
我昨晚很順利地跟他們去到了上課程的地方。很奇怪的是，在路上，我不曾有很抗拒的感覺。我也承認我是有這個需要去上這個課程。我知道我自己有問題，是人無法幫我解決的問題，只有上帝可以。雖然和參與課程的人都不是很熟但是我相信在未來的9周，我們可以慢慢地建立對彼此的信任。12 個人當中，我認識的有4個。還不錯吧？但是現在說到要在他們面前訴說我不想回想的過去還是有一點難度 :/ 但是我愿意作出配合，有受教的心，讓自己慢慢的康復起來。
我同意每個人都是破碎的人但是不是每個人愿意去承認自己是破碎的。我也不知道我是憑什么去承認自己是破碎的，或許是我性格上的突變吧！無論如果，既然知道自己是破碎的就應該從神那里得到醫治，從新康復起來為神活出一個有意義的生命。
至于，我學了些什么，我不能在這里說因為那是我最不想想起過去，我不能讓任何人用我的過去再次來傷害我。總而言之，我現在的思緒很亂，過去的東西一直在腦海中重復又重復播放着。我不能說這些是折磨，也算是折磨但是我相信依靠神我一定能得勝！
大家一起加油吧！
我同意每個人都是破碎的人但是不是每個人愿意去承認自己是破碎的。我也不知道我是憑什么去承認自己是破碎的，或許是我性格上的突變吧！無論如果，既然知道自己是破碎的就應該從神那里得到醫治，從新康復起來為神活出一個有意義的生命。
至于，我學了些什么，我不能在這里說因為那是我最不想想起過去，我不能讓任何人用我的過去再次來傷害我。總而言之，我現在的思緒很亂，過去的東西一直在腦海中重復又重復播放着。我不能說這些是折磨，也算是折磨但是我相信依靠神我一定能得勝！
大家一起加油吧！
2010年8月12日星期四
Support
I just want to say, friends, don't look into success too much and don't look down failure. Take everything with a neutral heart. The world might judged you how well you done in your exam, how high is your grade in your working, how much money do you earn, how many houses you owned, how pretty/handsome is you and more materialistic comparisons. However, at the end of your life, those materialistic don't provide anything to you. What you left is just how happy you are when you're living this life. That's the last remaining treasure you will have in your breath. Start from now on, be hardworking to keep more of this treasure in your mind. They are priceless and no one can judge with it and no one can ever steal it away from you.
There might be failure in our works, study or relationships, unless you are dying the next day, or else, you can have new starting again. I am only 18 but I have myself restarted my life, refocus my life for more than 5 times. Within the failures that I ever encounter, I learn more and I treasure more of my life as I keep learning for my mistakes.
Don't afraid of mistake because they help you to be a better person.
Cheer up, friends :D There are no problem or failure bigger than our God.
There might be failure in our works, study or relationships, unless you are dying the next day, or else, you can have new starting again. I am only 18 but I have myself restarted my life, refocus my life for more than 5 times. Within the failures that I ever encounter, I learn more and I treasure more of my life as I keep learning for my mistakes.
Don't afraid of mistake because they help you to be a better person.
Cheer up, friends :D There are no problem or failure bigger than our God.
康復課程
康復課程，我應該去嗎？
今天Mr Hing在上第一課的時候說放學后要見見我，我還以為我犯了什么事，害我擔心了整天。我的擔心不是沒有原因的。我之前是沒有中選當巡查員，是這位好老師，我主內的好姐妹的丈夫愿意給我機會去嘗試。從那天，我就告訴自己，我要好好地當一個盡責的副班長和巡查員。雖然會是很辛苦但是為將來，現在受一點苦，哭一哭，忍一忍，日子就過去了 :) 當我知道Mr Hing要在放學見我時，我就開始在想我是否有犯了自己不自覺的錯誤，是否有人看見了去打小報告。心中開始懷疑幾個人。
這種忐忑不定的感覺真難受！更難受的是，今天有三節數學（2），快被老師逼瘋了！明明告訴他太快了！！我跟不上，他竟然教快一點 == 今天做proving Sin Tan Cos 和 Double Angle, half angle equations已經做地我頭昏腦脹但是老師的速度卻沒有停下來。最刺激的在最后，放學前，他慢慢停了下來，說了一些讓我幾乎崩潰的事。那就是，還有五天就開始考的那個試，里面包括了今天的Sin Tan Cos 和整個chapter @,@那時我突然好像罵粗話！但是那也是于事無補，就只好靜靜閉上嘴巴多做些復習，少睡一點，吃少一點，等考試過了就好了。
好不容易熬到放學，就立刻跑去辦公室找Mr Hing。在里面等了他大約十五分鐘卻不見他的蹤影就到辦公室外的涼亭坐下休息順便溫習功課。心里還是忐忑不定但是我十分相信Hing是不會罵我的因為他是一個好好先生。快上課的時候，他來了。開始就和我隨便聊聊有的沒的然后才告訴我關于他教會的康復課程并問我有沒有興趣一起參加。談話當中，他一直和我保持眼神的交流，讓我覺得他是有真誠要幫助我。我想了想，就答應他我有興趣參加。我媽也同意讓我參加。
算一算，也有4個月沒有回教會了。曾經，我是那么地愛我的教會，全心全意全力地去愛神，去事奉他的子民，人們怎么批評我參與太多的事工，我也能忍受，因為我知道我是在為誰去服侍人。但是，當困難考驗來的時候，我對神的愛卻開始有了疑問。我無法再全心全意全力地去愛我的弟兄姐妹了。他們讓我覺得傷心因為原來自掃門前雪的事也會發生在教會的事工里。一句「為神工作不能看錢」的話，對普通人而言，沒什么大不了。對我而言，卻是那么地傷。在教會幼稚園服事并不是我的打算但是我愛我的神，我愿意為他委身于自己不懂甚至是很陌生的事工。我要好好裝備自己以至可以繼續被神使用作為祝福人的器皿。
當我發現錢不夠用，所分配的工作和我的階級不同的時候，我要求加薪因為是院長告訴我縱使在幼稚園事奉，其實也是為了生活。既然是這樣，我也該為自己的生活着想。但是，人是自私的。我雖然是拿助手的薪水但是我的工作是教師助手，辦公室暫代文員和擔當一些不屬于教師助手的工作。能以底薪水請到什么都愿意做的人，是每個老板都希望的事。當我發現他們不能站在我的立場想想的時候，我原本放棄繼續念書的心又回來了。我堅持辭職的時候，雖然院長又要求我留下做幼稚園的暫代文員但是她的態度不誠懇，所以我拒絕了。我還記得我離開的那一天，她說了三句話是讓我想起都會大笑的話因為他的態度顯得她很愚笨。她說了：
「你說你要念書，你有錢嗎？」
「我不曾害怕我沒錢讀書因為我的學費多數都是以前存下來的獎學金。我也對我媽十分有信心因為她是一個未雨綢繆的人，一定有準備讓我進修。」
「你是看錢做事的人」
「廢話，難道你不是嗎？如果你不是，你干嗎每個月都要拿薪水？恐怕薪水少一些，你早兩年就走了！你別忘了你自己也用“想辭職”來想家多一點的薪水誒！」
「為神工作的人不能向錢看。」
「難道為神工作的人不是人，不用生活嗎？既然是這樣，你就別拿薪水吧！干脆免費為幼稚園工作吧！如果你可以不拿一些錢然后又盡心盡意地為幼稚園工作，我就說你厲害！」
我自己也不知道為什么對神的熱愛會突然變得不見蹤影但是我依然有禱告。想對神說，我要一個新的開始，新的環境，新的事物，新的朋友，新的體驗…我要我的一切一切都得以更新。所以當今天被問是否有興趣參加康復課程的時候，我覺得我的禱告被聆聽了。我知道神依然在工作。如果不是有神，Hing的牧師不會愿意讓外面的人參加康復課程。我不會覺得參加康復課程會讓我難為情因為我認為那些被稱為勇者的人是因為他們勇于面對自己的問題。縱使會很難為情，會讓人知道自己最軟弱的一面，最不想讓人知道的秘密但是要成長就要擺脫這些，更加了解自己。我認為如果一個人連自己都不了解，他又怎能去了解身邊的人呢？
神吶，謝謝你不曾在我不愛你的子民，離開你的大家庭的時候，放棄我，遠離我。謝謝你在我的生命中不停地讓我看見我的存在不是意外而是你的旨意，謝謝你在我生命中所安排的一切，酸甜苦辣辛都有了。更值得感謝的是，這一切的發生，你都看顧着我。或許我心深處掩埋了很多從小到現在被人傷害但是卻不想提起的傷痕，求你幫助我在這康復課程當中勇于打開心膛，從新開始為你做一個勇敢的人。求你繼續保守我，讓我剩余的信心能為你堅持下去哪怕我需要面對的事情是讓我害怕的。謝謝你 :)
我要做一個勇敢面對自己，了解自己的人 。再難的事，神在這！
開夜車了～（哈哈哈…雖然現在才六點半但是用來溫習的時間很快就過了 :P大家一起加油！！為考試盡最大的努力喔！）
今天Mr Hing在上第一課的時候說放學后要見見我，我還以為我犯了什么事，害我擔心了整天。我的擔心不是沒有原因的。我之前是沒有中選當巡查員，是這位好老師，我主內的好姐妹的丈夫愿意給我機會去嘗試。從那天，我就告訴自己，我要好好地當一個盡責的副班長和巡查員。雖然會是很辛苦但是為將來，現在受一點苦，哭一哭，忍一忍，日子就過去了 :) 當我知道Mr Hing要在放學見我時，我就開始在想我是否有犯了自己不自覺的錯誤，是否有人看見了去打小報告。心中開始懷疑幾個人。
這種忐忑不定的感覺真難受！更難受的是，今天有三節數學（2），快被老師逼瘋了！明明告訴他太快了！！我跟不上，他竟然教快一點 == 今天做proving Sin Tan Cos 和 Double Angle, half angle equations已經做地我頭昏腦脹但是老師的速度卻沒有停下來。最刺激的在最后，放學前，他慢慢停了下來，說了一些讓我幾乎崩潰的事。那就是，還有五天就開始考的那個試，里面包括了今天的Sin Tan Cos 和整個chapter @,@那時我突然好像罵粗話！但是那也是于事無補，就只好靜靜閉上嘴巴多做些復習，少睡一點，吃少一點，等考試過了就好了。
好不容易熬到放學，就立刻跑去辦公室找Mr Hing。在里面等了他大約十五分鐘卻不見他的蹤影就到辦公室外的涼亭坐下休息順便溫習功課。心里還是忐忑不定但是我十分相信Hing是不會罵我的因為他是一個好好先生。快上課的時候，他來了。開始就和我隨便聊聊有的沒的然后才告訴我關于他教會的康復課程并問我有沒有興趣一起參加。談話當中，他一直和我保持眼神的交流，讓我覺得他是有真誠要幫助我。我想了想，就答應他我有興趣參加。我媽也同意讓我參加。
算一算，也有4個月沒有回教會了。曾經，我是那么地愛我的教會，全心全意全力地去愛神，去事奉他的子民，人們怎么批評我參與太多的事工，我也能忍受，因為我知道我是在為誰去服侍人。但是，當困難考驗來的時候，我對神的愛卻開始有了疑問。我無法再全心全意全力地去愛我的弟兄姐妹了。他們讓我覺得傷心因為原來自掃門前雪的事也會發生在教會的事工里。一句「為神工作不能看錢」的話，對普通人而言，沒什么大不了。對我而言，卻是那么地傷。在教會幼稚園服事并不是我的打算但是我愛我的神，我愿意為他委身于自己不懂甚至是很陌生的事工。我要好好裝備自己以至可以繼續被神使用作為祝福人的器皿。
當我發現錢不夠用，所分配的工作和我的階級不同的時候，我要求加薪因為是院長告訴我縱使在幼稚園事奉，其實也是為了生活。既然是這樣，我也該為自己的生活着想。但是，人是自私的。我雖然是拿助手的薪水但是我的工作是教師助手，辦公室暫代文員和擔當一些不屬于教師助手的工作。能以底薪水請到什么都愿意做的人，是每個老板都希望的事。當我發現他們不能站在我的立場想想的時候，我原本放棄繼續念書的心又回來了。我堅持辭職的時候，雖然院長又要求我留下做幼稚園的暫代文員但是她的態度不誠懇，所以我拒絕了。我還記得我離開的那一天，她說了三句話是讓我想起都會大笑的話因為他的態度顯得她很愚笨。她說了：
「你說你要念書，你有錢嗎？」
「我不曾害怕我沒錢讀書因為我的學費多數都是以前存下來的獎學金。我也對我媽十分有信心因為她是一個未雨綢繆的人，一定有準備讓我進修。」
「你是看錢做事的人」
「廢話，難道你不是嗎？如果你不是，你干嗎每個月都要拿薪水？恐怕薪水少一些，你早兩年就走了！你別忘了你自己也用“想辭職”來想家多一點的薪水誒！」
「為神工作的人不能向錢看。」
「難道為神工作的人不是人，不用生活嗎？既然是這樣，你就別拿薪水吧！干脆免費為幼稚園工作吧！如果你可以不拿一些錢然后又盡心盡意地為幼稚園工作，我就說你厲害！」
我自己也不知道為什么對神的熱愛會突然變得不見蹤影但是我依然有禱告。想對神說，我要一個新的開始，新的環境，新的事物，新的朋友，新的體驗…我要我的一切一切都得以更新。所以當今天被問是否有興趣參加康復課程的時候，我覺得我的禱告被聆聽了。我知道神依然在工作。如果不是有神，Hing的牧師不會愿意讓外面的人參加康復課程。我不會覺得參加康復課程會讓我難為情因為我認為那些被稱為勇者的人是因為他們勇于面對自己的問題。縱使會很難為情，會讓人知道自己最軟弱的一面，最不想讓人知道的秘密但是要成長就要擺脫這些，更加了解自己。我認為如果一個人連自己都不了解，他又怎能去了解身邊的人呢？
神吶，謝謝你不曾在我不愛你的子民，離開你的大家庭的時候，放棄我，遠離我。謝謝你在我的生命中不停地讓我看見我的存在不是意外而是你的旨意，謝謝你在我生命中所安排的一切，酸甜苦辣辛都有了。更值得感謝的是，這一切的發生，你都看顧着我。或許我心深處掩埋了很多從小到現在被人傷害但是卻不想提起的傷痕，求你幫助我在這康復課程當中勇于打開心膛，從新開始為你做一個勇敢的人。求你繼續保守我，讓我剩余的信心能為你堅持下去哪怕我需要面對的事情是讓我害怕的。謝謝你 :)
我要做一個勇敢面對自己，了解自己的人 。再難的事，神在這！
開夜車了～（哈哈哈…雖然現在才六點半但是用來溫習的時間很快就過了 :P大家一起加油！！為考試盡最大的努力喔！）
2010年8月10日星期二
過分的感動
有時過分的感動，往往是一件好事因為它能夠讓我回頭去看看我的過去并和現在做個比較，我相信我就不会再埋怨什么了。
每一個人都有他的過去，今天的成就是過去的栽種和困難的考驗。有的人覺得不應該從提過去因為它并不漂亮。有的人覺得應該活在當下就應該把過去藏起來。我個人卻覺得，人應該活在當下并感謝自己的過去，以它作為借鏡不要重犯錯誤。
我的過去曾經讓我覺得很羞恥，很絕望。我接受不了生命給我的待遇，我認為那是不公平的。我是家中的獨女，現在還是。從小到六歲，我都是被父母捧在手心上的孩子。我原本有着一個幸福的家庭但是一切都在我六歲那年變了。從爸爸的逝世到媽媽的中風，發生的時間都不到一年。這里，爸爸走了；半年后，媽媽中風了。那時我才七歲。我上小學的第一天是那么地深刻，每個人都有父母陪着；唯獨我一個是沒有任何大人陪我上課。媽媽中風后，我曾經很討厭他。我討厭自己。我討厭我的一切因為我認為我被拋棄。到媽媽開始上班，那時我才三年級，9歲，他就把我一個人放學后丟在家。我曾經試過突然失憶忘了媽媽辦公的電話而坐在電話旁痛哭。這一切一切都讓我不堪回首但是這是我警惕自己的方式。我要幸福，要快樂，就一定要努力讀書走出那些困難。
我有八年的時間是在和我媽媽吵架的但是又有誰會知道十二年后我們還是相依為命而且感情還十分好。我十天前已經十八歲了。我行動不方便的媽媽養了我足足十二年。他早在五年前就沒工作了但是他依然可以讓我吃好的，用好的，穿好的，睡好的。其他人有的東西，我都不缺。我知道幸福已經要在敲我的門了。只要我繼續努力，人生就會有希望。
十二年來被人欺負的心酸，眼淚都是往自己的肚子流。告訴自己，我不會輸。我現在算是1巴仙的成功因為過去我曾經是啟華優異兼模范生，現在我是鐘氏家庭中唯一進的了中六的孫子，我相信我爸爸也會以我為傲。或許你會覺得被人欺負是你在吃虧，其實這并不是這樣。被人欺負會讓你傷，讓你痛；但是，至少痛完了，你不會是同樣的你。以后你再遇到同樣的事情，你會有更好的預備甚至可以預測人們在玩着什么樣的把戲。所以，有時候我會很感謝那些曾經傷害過我的人，因為你們讓我成長了，你們讓我成為一個更有責任感的女兒。
緋聞的事故天天都在發生，我自己最近也無辜被扯上了。我對于那件事并沒有對我造成太多的影響因為我認為現在大家都是成年人，既然不能以成年人該有的思想來看待謠言這件事，我說什么都會被當成在為自己辯護。這樣做太無謂了。加上，謠言是會不攻自破的。我不知道是誰在制造謠言但是我相信有一天他會了解被謠言所傷的痛，那是我也該說他是罪有應得了。
有些人會覺得我很勢利但是我相信你出去社會工作的時候，你就會遇見更多比我更勢利的人。有時候，勢利只不過是一種偽裝來保護自己已經傷痕累累的心；也只不過是一種靜待觀察身邊每一個人，每一間事發展的冷漠并從中學習。
單親的孩子也能成材，那只是在于你是否愿意為將來犧牲多一點時間來努力 :)
今天的感觸：
Sometimes you just don't realized that you have the potential to be a better person IF people don't throw greater responsibility on you. I have finally coped with my stress and things go smoothly now.
今天總共有三個人說我看起來變可愛了 :D 謝謝你們喔！
今天也幫了Mr Tan叫學生去拍照。那些男生好吵喔！！但是我在St Cecilia的時候也是算是全校在老師面前最吃香的學生而且也是吵翻天的那一個 :D 好想念我的老師們 :)
大家晚安啦 :)
Exam count down 7 days
每一個人都有他的過去，今天的成就是過去的栽種和困難的考驗。有的人覺得不應該從提過去因為它并不漂亮。有的人覺得應該活在當下就應該把過去藏起來。我個人卻覺得，人應該活在當下并感謝自己的過去，以它作為借鏡不要重犯錯誤。
我的過去曾經讓我覺得很羞恥，很絕望。我接受不了生命給我的待遇，我認為那是不公平的。我是家中的獨女，現在還是。從小到六歲，我都是被父母捧在手心上的孩子。我原本有着一個幸福的家庭但是一切都在我六歲那年變了。從爸爸的逝世到媽媽的中風，發生的時間都不到一年。這里，爸爸走了；半年后，媽媽中風了。那時我才七歲。我上小學的第一天是那么地深刻，每個人都有父母陪着；唯獨我一個是沒有任何大人陪我上課。媽媽中風后，我曾經很討厭他。我討厭自己。我討厭我的一切因為我認為我被拋棄。到媽媽開始上班，那時我才三年級，9歲，他就把我一個人放學后丟在家。我曾經試過突然失憶忘了媽媽辦公的電話而坐在電話旁痛哭。這一切一切都讓我不堪回首但是這是我警惕自己的方式。我要幸福，要快樂，就一定要努力讀書走出那些困難。
我有八年的時間是在和我媽媽吵架的但是又有誰會知道十二年后我們還是相依為命而且感情還十分好。我十天前已經十八歲了。我行動不方便的媽媽養了我足足十二年。他早在五年前就沒工作了但是他依然可以讓我吃好的，用好的，穿好的，睡好的。其他人有的東西，我都不缺。我知道幸福已經要在敲我的門了。只要我繼續努力，人生就會有希望。
十二年來被人欺負的心酸，眼淚都是往自己的肚子流。告訴自己，我不會輸。我現在算是1巴仙的成功因為過去我曾經是啟華優異兼模范生，現在我是鐘氏家庭中唯一進的了中六的孫子，我相信我爸爸也會以我為傲。或許你會覺得被人欺負是你在吃虧，其實這并不是這樣。被人欺負會讓你傷，讓你痛；但是，至少痛完了，你不會是同樣的你。以后你再遇到同樣的事情，你會有更好的預備甚至可以預測人們在玩着什么樣的把戲。所以，有時候我會很感謝那些曾經傷害過我的人，因為你們讓我成長了，你們讓我成為一個更有責任感的女兒。
緋聞的事故天天都在發生，我自己最近也無辜被扯上了。我對于那件事并沒有對我造成太多的影響因為我認為現在大家都是成年人，既然不能以成年人該有的思想來看待謠言這件事，我說什么都會被當成在為自己辯護。這樣做太無謂了。加上，謠言是會不攻自破的。我不知道是誰在制造謠言但是我相信有一天他會了解被謠言所傷的痛，那是我也該說他是罪有應得了。
有些人會覺得我很勢利但是我相信你出去社會工作的時候，你就會遇見更多比我更勢利的人。有時候，勢利只不過是一種偽裝來保護自己已經傷痕累累的心；也只不過是一種靜待觀察身邊每一個人，每一間事發展的冷漠并從中學習。
單親的孩子也能成材，那只是在于你是否愿意為將來犧牲多一點時間來努力 :)
今天的感觸：
Sometimes you just don't realized that you have the potential to be a better person IF people don't throw greater responsibility on you. I have finally coped with my stress and things go smoothly now.
今天總共有三個人說我看起來變可愛了 :D 謝謝你們喔！
今天也幫了Mr Tan叫學生去拍照。那些男生好吵喔！！但是我在St Cecilia的時候也是算是全校在老師面前最吃香的學生而且也是吵翻天的那一個 :D 好想念我的老師們 :)
大家晚安啦 :)
Exam count down 7 days
生日快樂 :D ＋我的感動
今天是我好朋友，憶雯的生日 :)
憶雯，
生日快樂喔！雖然今天不能和以往那樣買蛋糕和你一起慶祝生日，但是你不要不開心喔！我們會等你從KL回來再給你補會的，好嗎？希望我剛才的電話也能讓你感覺到我依然是你的好朋友而且我會常常在我的禱告中紀念你 :)
轉眼間，我們都長大了。全部都已經是18歲了。現在回想起13歲時卻想希望自己是18歲時的情景，突然覺得很好笑。我依稀記得老師說過的一句話：“人，是最不容易滿足的動物。年少時急着要長大；長大了卻懷念年少的時候。”或許是因為這一句話吧，我曾經答應自己我要活在當下而不是我的過去。我希望我身邊的每一個人都會有幸福。人與人之間的友誼，會慢慢經過時間的醞踉，在我們成長的路上最好，最溫馨，最甜美的回憶和動力。
朋友們，我們一起加油吧！縱使大家的課業不一樣了但是我們還是可以互相勉勵的！縱使課業是很難但是以前我們覺得難的日子，我們都熬過去了；我相信我們這一次也可以熬過去并考得非常好的成績 :) 希望有一天，我們都會是成功的醫務人員 和夢想的追求者！
有什么難過的事，就找我鐘麗婷吧！上帝在我成長的路上讓我經歷很多難過傷心的事，現在我用我的經驗來祝福你們。記得喔，沒有什么事是成不了的！是否可以走過困難，你對上帝的堅信和自己信心是很重要的 :)
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