Reflection

Am I wrong?

Am I expecting too much?

Am I pushing myself too much?

Am I demanding?

I learned to be serious about this but why do I feel ignorant when I am asking a lot of questions? I am not a person who give up easily. I will still find a way to learn even though people don’t willing to teach or they don’t have the patient to teach me.

I am a curious baby now. The only person I feel comfortable to ask is him. I don’t know why. Probably because I knew him in church. That give me a better trust on him. I have lots of questions about the project. From the basic thing to the complex stuff. I am willing to start a new plan to achieve my normal body weight. Even though i tried tried tried for so many years, yet things don’t work, but this time I choose to believe and accept what my partner said and suggested on.

The reaction he gave makes me feel uncomfortable. He is like the only person for this moment I can trust in NL, of course, I can trust my buddy too but we can’t discuss much about that in school. That leave me a lot of questions. I felt frustration. I felt disappointment. I am disappointed at myself, why I can’t handle a little thing? Even though my emotional. I am frustrated because I am not encouraged, not affirmed. What we’re all doing now, yeah, achieving our dreams but I don’t see the team work happens yet. It is still like what I saw in others, moving apart but not together. I don’t know, probably because I am demanding.

I am also a very sensitive person. Something happened last night makes me realized I have done a huge mistake. I don’t know how to correct this mistake, I tried to be unfriend to certain person to give them warning “ back off, back off!” However, is that going to work, anyway?

I have my first coach in my life when I am in this project. I am happy about this and I really hope I can build up a good relationship with my coach but he seems to be too busy or no time for me. I know his dream and his fighting spirit is so high, I seem like nothing beside him, I dream small and dream with limitations.

Coach, if you ever happen to read this, I want to tell you, I hope we can have some time sit down personally and spend time to communicate over our differences of values and personality. Can we do that soon?