Tuesday

Today is the second day after my argument with my mum. I thought she won't want to talk to me anymore, due to her anger. However, my guess was wrong and Gee is right - I am what my mum only left. She talks to me again and telling me her feeling when she goes out with her friends (specifically is her religion's leader). She has always been a pain at the ass when come to transportation. I wanna go for driving class but she refuses to pay for me. She insists that I should wait until I am affordable for the driving class and the car. Well, I think she wants me to be independent and spend according what I earn.

I've really interesting Biology class today, it about development of human. From how the sperm fertilized the ovum, how the zygote divided within 7 days to be morula and embryo and implanted into the endometrium (wall of uterus), and the process goes on with gastrulation and organogenesis, development of extraembryonic membranes. Ovum fertilized by sperm after 2 months is called fetus, after delivery is called baby! My teacher kept emphasized on this, but I just wanna say, I knew this fact when I was form 4 -,-

I had 3 periods of PA (2) and Chemistry respectively. I kept "fishing" during the PA (2). I think I was starving. I had only 2 eggs and 2 sausages for my breakfast. No more drinks. I have cut down my breakfast into 40% of my normal breakfast. Low sugar level caused fatigue and dizziness. So, I can't remember what I learned on PA (2), except the changing and comparing pola.

Chemistry was FUN! We do naming for Alkenes today. I found this chapter is so interesting. Different reaction creates different product and naming it is fun! I don't know how to explain how fun it is, you might need to try some exercise to experience what I had this morning :D

Have 2 small slices of cake and 500ml of water as my lunch. I know I am not doing the healthy thing, but my eating habit isn't healthy as well before this. Decreasing my food intake and sugar intake did help to decrease the risk of insulin resistance to happen in me.

I have been diagnosed with PCOS 2 years ago. I was frustrated and almost kill myself because of PCOS. I lost hope and see myself as an imperfect lady. I thought lady is made perfect if they bear kids. By God's grace, almost 3 years of medical follow up and medicine given are working well in me, I still have problem on losing weight. Besides that, I am hoping to get a female doctor for my coming appointment. I have question to ask her and probably I will request for a blood test. After being diagnosed with PCOS, I start to see how fragile is my life. PCOS might cause death when it is critical. It is a hormone imbalanced caused syndrome, we all know one hormone imbalance with triggers the other as well! Right? Seeing my mum taking a lot of pills for her cholesterol, hypertension, and insulin jap for her diabetes, I wanna make a change of my life.

PCOS can't be cure but it can be prevented for long term effects. The doctors said I have 80% chance to be infertility in future. What I wanna do now is, do my best to reduce my weight to 65kg before I reach 20 and cling on the Lord for His healing hands. Knowing I will have infertility is frustrated but I believe the Lord, I believe what He did to Sarah will be done to me too. Sarah is very old when she give birth to Jacob. Sarah can give birth even though her menstrual has stopped, what about me? I am younger than Sarah, but it is just the matter how big my faith to the Lord.

I am joining Gee for jogging everyday except Friday. Friday is a small group night, I expected I will have to cook and prepare meal for family, so I eliminate exercise from that day and also as a day off for my body to rest. We have jogging at Sentosa - trill hill, Sibuga complex and Tshun Yen Rainforest. TY Rainforest is a new place for me explore. I sweat a lot when I have a walk on that and experienced dizziness, because I went to walk there after I donated blood ._. Complex is the most easy place for me to jog. I will have to work harder, so I decide I will start running in the complex. No more walking, it is kindergarten job and doesn't burn too much calories.

I met a lady when I was jogging at Trill hill today. She went with her husband. So, Gee was talking with her husband, while I am talking to Lora, the wife. She is fair and sweet. She is from HK but she stayed here for more than 20 years. Main point is here, she is a Christian. We did some sharing about our lives, our family, our religion (Hahahah. We are all Christian!). I shared with her my passion to serve in full time pastoral but now the time is not here yet. She encouraged me and inspired me, leading me to see that, I should obey to the Lord - serving my mum before I go out to serve people.

I met 2 people on the way I go up and down the hill. Both of these people asking Gee, whether I am in nursing school. 2 person asking the same thing, saying the same thing "nursing" - I think this is no longer a coincident. Before this, I experienced God give light to me that I should go for nursing after my form 6 and I struggled and neglected it. After that, within a day, there are 3 person asking about my plan for future. I told them I have no idea but actually the thought that the Lord gave me have start to budding in me. Nursing is something can be consider. It suits my interest in medical field and taking care people as well. I take "Psychology" as my dream is because I want to help more people to look into what they really want and introduce them the creator of life, God. I know, I will have to give up my dream to be a psychologist. I believe too, the same time, the Lord has a loving plan in my life.

I wanna get some information from the nursing college near HDOK but I can't get anything, because they don't have a website >.< I am happy because Gee said she will try to get me the contact. See, if something is in mind the Lord, the Lord will send angels and resources that more than enough to accomplish that thing. Of course, I don't expect thing will happen with what I expected because God's way is higher than my way, just as the heavens are higher than the Earth.

I have set up a new covenant with the Lord tonight. I always set up covenant with the Lord because I like to work according to goals. Baptism was one of the covenant with the Lord 8 years ago. The Lord is gracious and prepared me within 8 years and now, I am baptized and will move on for the Lord.

I have been taking care of my mum because I have to do it. I do it out of responsibility, not love. I think it is not worth to give up my future because what I am doing now is just to be responsible. She hurts me a lot when I was young. Something that she done hurts me and I don't understand why she wanna do that, due to my immature thought, that actually affect me how to show love to my mum. Within these 2 days, I keep on praying and approaching the Lord for my mum. I know the hardest to do when you're enraged with someone, is to calm down and looking for their positive personalities. I did that when I was emotional disturbed. To do the hardest thing, it push me walk close to the Lord.

I found a better solution for our relationship. Let the Lord come into our relationship. I asked the Lord to give me the Love that belongs to Him. With the love of God, I will serve my mum, until my last breath. I am giving up my future into the Lord's hand, not my mum. With this, a new covenant is set up, it will stands forever until my last breath.

That's it for today :)